Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Relaxing Relationships

In relationships, we tend to learn a lot about ourselves. When we get comfortable and relaxed in a relationship, we don't have to work so hard to keep the guy's attention. At least, that's how it's been in my case. We don't seem to have to keep impressing them as much as we did in the beginning when we were just getting to know them and initially dating them.

I've noticed in many of my friend's relationships, and my own, if your body weight fluctuates all the time, then you seem to gain more weight, and wear less make-up, and care less about dressing to impress the boyfriend. Of course, there are always surprising moments you want to have for him, and special moments for him, but at the same time, why put so much work and effort into putting on something that changes the person you really are inside? I wear a little make-up everyday but not near as much as I used to. I have learned it's not so important as I felt it used to be for me. I realized if the person you are dating is so fixated on your physical side of beauty, you should start to ask yourself if they are really seeing you for 'you' on the inside. What's on the inside is brought out in your physical beauty. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes, you need to be approached and questioned about your weight and measures need to be taken, but only in exteme cases.

In one of my last relationships, I found myself discouraged because of my weight gain, and felt like I was getting too relaxed, and I got brought down by my weight with the guy. I was motivated to lose it, invested in a treadmill, started researching all about the right work outs, and diet to use, and yet he would pick at me, talking about the fat on my arms, and poking me saying "I don't think the workout you're using is really working...." and other comments like that. It brought me down even further, to where I ended up realizing I needed to stop and clear my head of all that junk he was putting in it. Eventually, a few months later, the relationship ended. I knew all along it wasn't going anywhere further than where it had been stuck for awhile. This was an on and off relationship for quite some time, over a number of years. We were in and out of each other's lives for a good long while, and finally, we're out of it all together which is working out astoundingly for me. I don't care what he's up to anymore, I could care less. He was a toxic person in my life, and I don't need that. Of course, you should be expecting a blog about that person down the road I'm sure.

Anyways, my point was, you can't let people like that stay around in your life. Work out for the right reasons if you decide to go down that route, which is where I'm at now. I've started eating better, working out gradually, not rushing into it. I'm taking my time working my way back into the routine, and I'm doing it for me, not for anyone else. My boyfriend loves and supports me through it, helping me fix foods, and adjust my schedule for working out. That's the kind of support I need and anyone should have around.

As far as make up goes, I realized I was using so much more than I needed to me, and it was clogging up my pores, bad for my skin, and time and time again my boyfriend would make fun of me for wearing so much but I explained to him why I felt the need to use so much. He understood but kept telling me, I like the natural you, and I've actually come to see the natural beauty in myself without makeup after all these years. I used to wear makeup EVERYWHERE, even if it wasn't work-related, and now I don't care so much. And I don't buy so much makeup all the time. I've cut down and yes, girls, that's saved me lots of money! :) I'm enjoying my life right now and I'm taking control over it, compared to being controlled and being damaged a year ago. Things sure do change when you get rid of the toxins in your life.

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