Saturday, September 10, 2005

Burning Bright

"Burning Bright"

I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation

[CHORUS (2)]
There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I cross the lines its not easy to define
I'm born to indecision
There's always something new some path I'm supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason

[CHORUS (2)]
The past few months have been really rough....and if you know me, you know why. Everything seemed to be going downhill every time I thought things just might be looking up.....not that they were anyone else's fault. A great deal of them were all mine - whether I actually did things or my mind was just set on the low things in my life.

The move here was a big transition for me, new people, old friends, new home, and just familiarizing myself with everything around here again. It felt great. Of course, within the first couple of weeks, I made a few mistakes, or things came back and bit me in the ass, again - my fault.

Last night was a great night for me. I realized that everything happens for a reason and everything was looking up for me, in lots of ways. New year - new things to come.
Tonight's plans were originally to go up to Chapel Hill to see Angie Aparo play @ the Local 506....those definitely fell thru for several reasons - it was a spontaneous thing I came up with at work yesterday, desperate to get out of Charlotte....I just feel like driving sometimes. But then again, there was also another reason I was going up there - to see my old friend Tyler who I havent' seen for years! (literally..) I met him back in 3rd grade and he and I have kept in touch so much over the years. I'd love to see him. Of course, as usual, there's always next time, whenever that will be.

Imagine this. I went to a frat party last night, and only stayed like for 20 min. and didn't have one bit of alcohol last night! Aren't you proud?? I got to see a lot of familiar faces that I hadn't seen since I'd been back though, that felt good....

I actually have to get going on some work, yes college is back in session = work. I have to get some done today so I am not stuck with EVERYTHING tomorrow. I wonder whats up for tonight.............;)
What I've been through will not change.What I've done I cannot forgive.Can I have another chance at this life....another chance to just live?

My sorrow has lasted so long...scarred and surrendered my body to so much.It is time to close that chapter and move on.The longing for a new touch.....

One night has made all the difference.Realizing everything I'd overcome, and everything I've hated.The person I was back then, someone I don't want to know....the exact person that's been completely jaded.