Monday, December 8, 2008

The World Has Lost An Angel

Jenna Seagraves, a dear friend of mine, passed away Thursday morning around 3am.

My good friend Sean told me the news over AIM on Thursday around 3pm while I was at work, and I'm still in shock. The visitation/funeral were difficult to get through this weekend, but I made it through. My friends and I have all come back together, reconnected in lots of ways, and cherished each other, and it's sad that it had to be because of this.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Amazingly In Love

I wonder who would actually be interested in reading about all the drama and confusion that I have in my life. I contemplated writing awhile back, and now I'm revisiting the idea, thanks to Mike. He has a passion for reading & writing, and he's amazing at it. I've considered turning all of these journal entries into a novel/book someday. Of course, adding a bit to it to make it more entertaining at some points, but what does everyone think of that?

Every day I seem to doubt my relationships in my life, something happens to make them seem more amazing than ever. The difference between the relationship I have now and all my other relationships is that we follow this model: An exclusive relationship means an inclusive partnership.

I was googling at work while I had some downtime and I found these quotes that I absolutely believe in & love:
-LOVE comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed. To those who still believe even though they've been betrayed. To those who need to love even though they've been hurt before.
-The best part about loving is not wishing that the person loves you as much as you do but in feeling that you love the person far more than you thought you could.
-LOVE is not a matter of finding the right person but creating the right relationship.
-To LOVE someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.

I've never felt so in love, and nothing ever made so much sense like it does now. I miss him like crazy when he's not around, and, for the first time, I really don't know what I'd be without him. No matter what happens between Mike & I, I will be stronger than I've ever been. He's allowed me to see things like no one else has, and has allowed me to understand things I can control, and things I cannot, and the things I shouldn't hold onto, and things I should let go of. He's shown me what I deserve and how I should live my life. He's not controlling; he doesn't degrade me EVER; he loves me and finds me perfect for him. We're a perfect match, and, that's how we BOTH see it.

I can't wait to see him again; that time can't come soon enough.
Monday, December 1, 2008

December

Do you ever feel like if you were to sit down with someone, and have a positive conversation, you would come across as someone completely different? Even if only a few months have passed since you last saw them? I feel that way right now, but I have forgiven myself & him for all that's happened. I can't hold grudges, I can't continue holding anger inside. I have to think positive about the life I'm living, and move forward. What's done is done and can't be changed, can't be fixed, but I've restored a lot of my faith back in God thanks to everything in my life right now, and things just seem to keep getting better.

I can't believe Mike & I's 6 months will be on Sunday. It's so unbelievable how fast these months have flown by, and how much things have changed with me. Earlier this year I was considering moving to Greensboro, and now I'm moving home with my parents, temporarily, and wondering where my life will take me next. The good thing about this company is I could do it from anywhere, in my own home. The money will be good, but for the time being, I'm still working at UNCC, and I will be saving up that money and seeing the better side of things from this moment forward. I wonder where I'll end up; the problem is I don't want to live in another apartment. I'd love to find a house to rent, maybe a roomate to rent with me.

There are perks to living alone vs. having roomates, but the vice verse applies as well.

Once I'm living at home for at least a month I'll figure things out I'm sure.
Monday, November 17, 2008

Holiday Season

The holidays are coming, and I'm actually really excited.

I'm in love, and I haven't felt this blessed in quite some time. Some days I don't even know how I got to be this lucky, met someone like Mike, and that God has allowed me to experience love so easily, so young. I know at my age, people have been in and out of long, serious relationships and have experience this feeling numerous times, but not me.

I have been in love 3 times. I questioned whether I was really in love with each and every one of them, but when you know, you just know. I know, looking back, even if I never said the words, to their face, we both knew how we felt about each other and it was a type of love. Each love experience is unique in itself, and, I am who I am because of them. I don't question saying I loved each one of those guys. A part of me always will, no matter what. They have shaped me to be the strong, independent woman I am today. I have low days where I think back to the 'what if's' and my behavior all those times with each one. I can't live in the past, and I'm afraid I do sometimes, thinking too much in the past.

There are a few songs that I have come across that have really made me feel less 'alone' in my relationship experience lately. I've come to terms with how my last relationship really was, rather than how I saw it at the time. It's a sad one, looking back. Any time I get the impulse to try and text or contact him, I stop myself. . . and listen to these songs. Even if they are sad songs, they remind me of how much I should have nothing to do with that certain someone.

Jessica Simpson - "Remember That"
Hinder - "Without You"
Taylor Swift - "White Horse"
Thursday, November 13, 2008

Faith Found

A lot of people have told me about moments where they have been saved by God.I never thought it was possible. To have that feeling overcome you, and feel replenished afterwards? How could that possibly happen?

I once had this best friend in my life, that changed it forever. He will always be in my heart, no matter what the outcome of our relationship/friendship was. I wish I could show him who I am now, and what I've become because he would be quite surprised. I found God.

He and I knew eachother at a time in our lives when we both didn't know where we were going, and what life would make of us, why we were doing certain things and what we wanted out of life. We had dreams, ambitions, and hopes for the world we were in. What we've made of it? We both seem to be on the right track and I love knowing that we were a part of eachother's lives for even that small amount of time.

He used to educate me on all kinds of things, but he also noted certain things that he didn't understand people doing like cursing or drinking. He used to do it, had an epiphany, and became much more dedicated to God, and, realized: what's the point? It lowers yourself and doesn't make you the best person you can be for the world. Change yourself into who you want to be seen as.

As I'm writing this, I feel selfish for all the things I once did years ago throughout college. When this man was in my life, I lied and abused myself with alcohol, and cursed a whole lot negatively. Now a days I don't do it but just for fun with my boyfriend, Mike, and my best friend, Amber, but back then I used it in other ways I shouldn't have. Ray taught me a lot about religion, and life as a whole that I might have never encountered if it weren't for him. He literally "got a second chance at life, and he didn't take it for granted like a lot of people do these days. He took it & ran with it. He tried expressing to me how much he wanted me to see how precious life was, but I didn't see it as clear as I do now.

Now I am with this amazing guy, Mike, and, he has restored a lot more of my faith in God as well, reminding me of the times Ray would talk about God with me. The purpose of this post. It reminds me a lot of how passionate Ray was towards his faith, and why things are the way they are now. Ray was meant to be in my life at that point in time, and there are moments I won't forget with him, that really changed me as a person. I just wish he could see the woman he helped change and save. I know that may never happen though. We've both gone in different directions with our lives, and drifting apart, which, sadly, has happened to a lot of my friends and I.

In moments of weakness, I have dwelled in the past seeking some sort of explanation for why things have happened the way they have, and, why my journey has lead me here. All I can think of in the past is the extreme good Ray brought in my life, and how I knew I wanted him in my life forever. I'm happy to see where he's at now, but I do miss my friend. . . since he was one of the people that did know me best for a long period of time. He has moved on, and doesn't care to share his present life with me in it now, and I have to deal with that, as hard as it is.
Monday, November 10, 2008

5 Months+

Friday was Mike & I's 5 months since we met. Our Anniversary. These past 5 months have really flown by, but at the same time so much has happened where it HAS felt like 5 months.

For the past few months, ever since Mike reminded me of him one day, Ray keeps coming up in my head. He's married, used to be my best friend, we loved eachother, were together for awhile. We had an intense connection. I miss him in my life.I pray to God that he comes back in my life, and we're able to be the friends we once were. He's probably the best guy I ever knew besides Mike. He never hurt me like others did, but I was hurt, yet I have never stopped loving him. He has a huge part of my heart because he broke down a huge wall after my first love broke me down, and made me build one up. I am not ridiculous for thinking of him, but I can't believe I pushed him out of my life and actually made myself forget about him for awhile. It hit me and scared me to death that I could forget someone as big as Ray was in my life. I think I was thrown in so many directions that I made myself erase that period of my life, at least for a short peroid of time, because it hurt so much. I don't know how that's possible, still to this day.

I love Mike and I don't want to be without him. He's considering joining the Army, and I don't know what kind of toll that would take on us. I'm glad he's been with me for the past 5 or so months, yet, it scares me that this is just a tease for what's to come down the road. Is this IT for me? Is he THE ONE? Is he what I've been waiting for? Sure, he's lacking a job, and money right now, but I always told myself that's not something I needed in a man to love him. It's becoming frustrating helping him out financially when I'm trying to get stable myself. When I move home at the end of the year, my stress will ease up on myself and on our relationship, thank god. I can't handle all this on my shoulders right now.
Monday, October 20, 2008

06.07.08

It is quite interesting how one night can change your life. . . . 06.07.08 did it for me.

Finding your perfect match, never having to question or doubt anything when it comes to them, finding your best friend, waking up everyday knowing that they feel exactly the same way that you do about them.........

This past year in my life has been a puzzled, yet amazing one, and I can't go back and change anything I did. I used to think about life so negatively, worrying and stressing over anything, doubting/questioning a lot of my moves/actions/words, and, the past few months have calmed me down. Not only was someone simply amazing brought into my life, but he has changed me in ways I never thought were possible. I never expected to meet someone like him, and to be shown the things I have been in the short amount of time I have, but I have to say it is very possible.

Other people have shown me about myself, but it always was in a negative light, and I tried so hard to see the positives, but they never came out on top. This person has shown me the best about myself, rather than bringing me down, or building me up. . . to nothing in the end.

My views on many different things in life have changed, been altered, and, I have stopped judging people. Life is a precious gift we cannot take for granted. The influence I have brought onto other people's lives lately has definitely shown me how much someone can let you into their world, and, lighten it up, and allow you to see the better things in life, rather than the dark sides to everything.

There's no need in worrying/stressing over things; you can't change what has already happened, but you can change what will happen in the future. Take control of what you need to, and move on. Sitting and dwelling on the issue won't make things any better, so why do it? I have become better about it and people around me have noticed it, which makes me feel even better about how I'm handling my matters.

Love is a feeling one can't describe. It is something that not only you feel and see but everyone around you can see & feel as well. For the first time I have understood the meaning of how deep love can go, and how it should be. I have been mistaken in the past as to what I deserved, and what I may have to settle for based on my history of things, but I was wrong. This is an indescribable feeling I hope everyone can experience someday. I wasn't looking for it when it stumbled upon me, and I would never do anything to risk losing it.

I have been in relationships before, and I have loved and lost, yet this type of love is one of a kind & unique, rare to come across. Not only do I see it, but everyone around us see & feel it too, and that makes it feel even more amazing. No one is perfect but I never imagined there being someone as perfect for me as the man I have found. I can't say anything bad about him or our relationship and, things keep getting better each and every day.

In the short amount of time we have been together, we have experienced so many things not many couples EVER experience in their time together. These struggles and life lessons have definitely made our relationship stronger and brought us closer as a couple, and with our families as well, in the best ways possible. I couldn't ask for anything more than what I have right now because I have it all.
Monday, October 6, 2008

Life

It's been over a month since I've blogged and, I can't believe it. I used to be so keen on updating this every week or so, with long posts about what's been going on, and believe you me, this will be quite a long post. So much has happened since I was last on here.

I don't have any doubts with Mike, although I'm a girl, so I'll have them from time to time. Being the curious person I am, he left his phone a couple times just laying around while out running an errand and didn't think I'd snoop because I haven't really cared to, but I have twice. He sent a message to an ex saying "I love you and miss you" but I can tell it's in a friendly manner. I've seen texts after that saying how much I've changed him in the best way possible and how I've made him realize how precious relationships are, and he doesn't want to be going from girl to girl anymore. He wants to settle down, and grow up. He's got his priorities straight since being with me. Amazing words from the man I love and I'm glad I found them. It cleared up all these doubts I had in my head and I'm curious about his most recent ex, but she's so much younger and he's explained to me their relationship a few times, and, I understand. I love people I was dating, but it's a different kind of love. He's staying with me for a bit longer, but eventually moving back home. I'm moving back home after my lease is up I've finally decided. I've got bills and credit cards to pay off and I don't want to have to be worrying and stressing so much over money anymore. I want to become financially stable and moving home will allow me to do that for myself. Stressing and worrying isn't good for my health.

Speaking of health, I came down with a bad kidney infection, and had a kidney stone along with it. I was in the hospital for a few days, and so those medical bills will becoming in and I'm wanting to help pay for those, although my parents will probably take care of it all. When I move home I want to be able to take on all my bills including school loans, car insurance, car payments, the title of my car, etc. I want to be able to handle everything to do with my life on my own. I am trying to become very independent from my parents, and it is something that I'm going to have to discuss with them once I move home. It's an issue that's been bothering me lately. I feel like my parents try to control a great deal of my life and not let me do it myself. I've come to realize I'm extremely different from them, growing up in a different generation, and it's hard to break to them but I need to take care of everything on my own without their help. I need to grow up and do things on my own. Moving home will allow me to save up $$ and move out sooner than I think probably butI need to get out of debt and feel secure with savings I have before signing another lease/moving out again.

That's my update for now. I'm back to work, today is my first full day back. I'm almost 100% back to normal. I've got some pain from time to time but it's not a great big deal. I'm feeling pretty normal again. . . it feels weird because I haven't been back to work in such a long time. At least the day seems to be going by pretty good so far.

I've come to realize I'm going to stay at this job longer than I thought, because of the benefits and the pay and especially how the economy is worse off than ever, I wouldn't be safe leaving and depending on a newer job now because my pay probably wouldn't be as good, and the benefits probably wouldn't come along with it either.

I hope things look up for me and I'm not stressing/worrying as much about everything going on in my life! :)
Monday, September 8, 2008

Transitioning

Mike has officially moved in with me. He got a job at FP Marketing and is really excited about what's to come. He's gotten me excited about his job too. It seems the perfect fit for him.

Today is his first day. He and I love living together the past couple of weeks, and his old dog Reese had puppies and we brought one home with us last night - it's so beautiful/cute! Its name is Freckles/Peanut/Buddy/Bubba :) It's precious. His first night at the apartment was a success. he's so cute.

I'm really not sure how long I'll be staying at UNC-Charlotte, and I'm being very picky about whereI apply, for my next career move or whatnot. Mike has really been very helpful in helping me think about where to go after this job. I have to do a lot of researching but I'm on my way and very motivated.

As far as my apartment, I'm considering renewing or finding someplace cheaper to live with Mike. he's going to be making more money, maybe even more than me, and he's going to help out with rent/bills and such and I'm going to very much appreciate that :)

We're looking forward to building a life together!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Doubting

This past weekend up until last night was pretty amazing. Mike and I got to spend so much time together :)

He took me to his hometown, Vale, to see places he grew up and met some people he hadn't seen in years. It meant the world to me. I think he mentioned me being the first girlfriend he ever brought up that way, which made me smile even more!

After I got home last night, he and I were talking on the phone, and being realistic, how he and I weren't certain of each other, but could definitely see us getting married someday, but that doesn't mean we'll be together forever. . . because death does happen. We're not guaranteed another day together ever.

The thing that worries me, and always had with us, is that someday, he'll realize his feelings have changed about me, and only want to be friends, or, want to end things because he doesn't feel the same way about me. . . that is my biggest fear. The fact that it's already been a little over two months and we're having discussions like we are, means the world to me, but also scares me that things have been going so well so fast with us, that the flame might burn out quicker than expected.

It's been in my head since he said that last night that the next day he or I could wake up and wonder why we are with the other person and realize we just want to be friends. And he has done that before with ex girlfriends; he and the girl will decide that one day and then next time they hang out he can simply switch it to be just friends. I don't know if I could do that. We've never just been friends. That's what I think made me hesitant about cutting ties with Eric. If Mike is thinking about the doubting parts, what does that mean?He keeps saying he doesn't want me to take it the wrong way that he's not certain of us but he could see us getting married, isn't that contradictory?
Friday, August 15, 2008

Cheating

How do you define cheating in a relationship/ What is considered cheating to you?

Last night was a rough night, and I'm not really sure when I'll move past it, or get over it.

I've been with Mike a little over 2 months now, love him to death, don't want to lose him. It's the best relationship I have ever been in, and the healthiest, yet I'm waiting for it to fail. Everything else, and all the other relationships in my life have failed up until this point, so I guess I'm waiting for this one to.

Eric, as I've mentioned before, still remains in my life. The question is why? Automatically in the past my answer to that questoin has been and would be "I love him. I care about him, and we both want to be in each other's lives, whether we're dating, officially together, or not." He was in town since Wednesday puppysitting and housesitting for his sister, Nikki, in Gastonia which is conveniently on the way to Mike's, like 35 min. away from my apartment.We've hung out the past two nights but so have Mike and I, after I hung out with Eric. Both times Mike showed his jealous side and it was good to see how much he cared but I didn't like how everything turned out last night.

I went to hang out with Eric since Mike was watching the game with some other people; I would've preferred hang out with Mike but I had nothing else going on, so I hit up Eric and suggested getting together, chillin and having a few drinks at his sister's since he was drinking anyways. We drink for a bit and then I'm texting with Mike and we want to meet up after I leave there. I don't know why I did not just tell him I was hanging out with Eric but I thought he'd see that very different than what it really was about. I can't believe I lied, and I'm continuing to do it right now. I have to stick to that story. I told him I was visiting my old friend Jon (Cobb I call him) who actually lives down the street from Eric's sister, conveniently.

I had been drinking and was going to meet Mike, but as I was walking out of the room to get my purse telling Eric I was leaving in a minute since I had work in the morning, Eric grabbed my hands (gently of course) and turned me around, and kissed me. I have never been cheated on or cheated, until that moment. I feel horrible. Mike doesn't know we hung out last night but when I was with Mike he noticed texts I had sent Eric when I passed out.

Eric has always been toxic to me and in all my relationships, I don't know why he's still in my life and why I allowed what happened last night to happen. . . I feel sick to my stomach. I want to make it up to Mike but we love eachother, and I dont know why I did what I did. Eric and I were involved wheN Mike and I met.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Motivation

Today is Eric's 27th Birthday. It's been in my head since I last sent him an email this weekend. No response yet. . . and I sent him a "happy birthday" text a little bit ago; NO MORE CONTACT anymore. . . If he doesn't have the means to respond, or much less, the heart, to respond, then he's not worth trying to keep in my life anymore.

Yesterday I was all about coming home and starting to workout again, yet, I didn't. What did I do instead? I pigged out, watched movies, lounged around, and accomplished nothing, other than cleaning up a little around the apartment. Today is his birthday, and considering he has always had this power over me, I have decided to make today my Day One again. This is all for me. . . and starting on his birthday makes ME feel powerful over MYSELF once again.

I stopped working out around the time he went to Thailand a few months ago because I just wasn't motivated to keep going. I felt like it was a vacation from him, and I could do whatever I wanted, when really I could have been doing that all along. Eric knew he had this way of controlling my thoughts and he took advantage of it. Now I'm seeing that all clear as ever, ever since I've been with Mike. Mike treats me like gold without any reason. He just does it. I'd never felt so confident, comfortable and completely fit and perfect with someone. Now I have the right mindset to want to get back into shape, and take care of my life. Starting today I feel like I will stick with it and not give up because if I do fail, I will feel like I'm giving into the 'bad' that once controlled me, if that makes any sense. The 'bad' being Eric.

Don't get me wrong, Eric is a great guy, but he's not the perfect guy for me. I thought he was for the longest time. He was that guy I always wanted, I always worked up to try to be perfect for, and I never was, no matter what I did. I feel pathetic and feel like a fool for seeing how much effort I put into a relationship/friendship with him. . . when he has distanced himself so much from me these past few months. We both did that to eachother but him more so than me. I won't turn my backs on friends that I have been there for, who have been there for me. But for it to happen this way was not in my control, and it gave him more control. I'm done letting him have power/control over my feelings/emotions/heart.He's done.

I feel completely enthralled with my motivation right now. I feel so motivated I could explode. As much as I'd love to see Mike tonight, I know the most important thing is how motivated I feel to work out today. I hope this mindset stays with me for awhile. I'm loving it.
Friday, August 8, 2008

2 Months!

2 months as of yesterday :) Mike and I met 2 months ago, and yet it feels like we've known each other forever!

His birthday is next month, and I've thought of different things to put together for him.
1) Mix cd w/Letter
2) Rock N Rebellion Shirt (his type of style) from Hot Topic
3) Joker Poster (loves the movie The Dark Knight)
4) Raisenets (fav candy)
5) Chocolate Covered Strawberries
6) 3 Doors Down Concert Tickets

I want to give him gifts throughout the day. . . . . . . I'm considering taking the day off & spending it with him/on him, I'd love to surprise him but I'm 45 min. away from him and I'm not sure if he's on schedule to work then, and I don't have his parents # soI can't get in touch with him, yet hopefully I can reel in his best friend to help. I just want to do something special for his bday. . . I've never been able to in the past. . . Any ideas/suggestions? (as to giving him these gifts as a surprise)
Friday, August 1, 2008

Fire In Our Eyes

When I was over at Mike's parent's house the other night, he and his dad were talking in private, while I was over by my car....and not until the next day did Mike tell me what his dad said to him.

His dad told Mike that I was really good for him, and that he could see the fire in our eyes to be together, and that we reminded him of how him and Mike's real mom were in their younger days.

That just melts my heart every time I think of that.
Monday, July 28, 2008

Transitioning

Today my new supervisor starts work here. I haven't had a supervisor since Kathy left over a month ago. It's been weird coming to work without her, but I adjusted. It's going to be a different feeling coming to work with a new supervisor, but we all seem to get along with her, and she's laid-back it seems. I'm grateful we have someone in her position though. People were coming to me and continue coming to me with tasks I am not familiar with and have very little experience doing. I guess my job will be like it used to before Kathy left, although I have grown accustomed to the extra stress put on me since she left.I'm glad I've been able to keep up with her by email, that has certainly helped.

7/17/08 : I went down to Kings Mtn. to visit with Mike, and, while listening to music 'Usher's "Moving Mountains" he told me he loved me and I said it back. I had never been able to do that face to face with a guy before and it honestly felt like a movie :) It was a beautiful moment.

It's almost been 2 months with him, and it has certainly flown by! I can't believe it's almost August.

We had our first big meeting/conference call with my dad's new company, and I can't wait to be a part of it. The problem is it may not be til November-January sometime that money actually starts coming in, so as unhappy as I am here at this job, I may have to stick it out til then. Hopefully the next few months go by fast. The past year flew by, so it may not be so bad. I can only hope.

I have felt selfish over the past weekend with how I've felt in the situation I am in with Mike. After talking it over with my friend Lori, I've realized, I can't just go with my gut feelings, I have to really think about things now. There is an age difference, and that affects some of the choices I have to make with how I am with him. We are definitely focusing and living in the present, not worried about each other's past histories, and not jumping to conclusions with the future. I love that we are on the same page with everything. I've never felt like such a perfect match with someone. . . and neither has he.
Thursday, July 3, 2008

God's Way

I noticed that the last time I posted on this blog was June 7.....and that night changed my life :)

I had been talking a couple days with this guy, Mike, on PlentyofFish.com; he messaged me on there randomly, and the way he did caught my attention and interest, so I messaged him back. I had never met anyone off of this website, and never intended on doing so. It was just a site for when I was bored, etc. He and I didn't talk online but for a few messages back and forth, and then exchanged phone numbers. We then managed to talk for over two hours 2 nights in a row, and then decided to meet up - the connection was that instant and amazing. We are both not phone people so staying on the phone that long with constant conversation was pretty incredible. I couldn't believe he was 18, and I was 23, and we connected this much!

There was a concert Saturday night & he said he'd like to go with me, which I was fine with; it would be a public place and it'd be a good time even if we didn't click in person like we had on the phone. I knew other people that were going to be there too. His mom had just been transferred to the CMC Hopsital downtown and she wasn't doing so good - the doctors were giving her a 10% chance to make it through the night. I repeatedly said we could schedule another time to meet up, that he needed to be with her, and he said it would get his mind off the bad - he couldn't do anything just sitting and waiting by her bedside at the hospital. It made sense but I was kind of worried for him and his family.

We met up at CMC because he and I wanted to drive separately and I couldn't exactly tell him how to get to the venue from there, so we met up, and initially when I saw him, I thought hes cute :) And knew from how we'd been over the phone and whatnot, that we'd have a good time no matter if something came from it or not romantically. . . . once we got to the venue, we got out and started walking in and we held hands and it was a sudden thing for me but it was an instant connection between us. I didn't expect to hold his hand that fast, but it happened and surprisingly, felt natural, and I felt comfortable with it. . . . it was a different feeling that didn't make sense to me at first, but I was enjoying myself and having no worries about it.

The night went amazingly. . . when I was at the bar, leaning against it and he was in front of me with his arms 'blocking' me in, I did something I've never done before - I went in for the kill - I quickly kissed him, pecking him on the lips. Our faces had been close, but, we hadn't kissed yet, and I had the nerve to just do it - I didn't care, and wasn't thinking so much about it but i just felt I should go with my gut. I wanted to and I did it. Id never made the first move like that. It took him by surprise, and it was unexpected but he definitely enjoyed it. The rest of the night was amazing - best first date ever. . . .and believe it or not,ever since that night, we've been together. Almost a month now and it's gone by fast and it's been incredible. No one has ever treated me so wonderful, and no one has ever made me feel so on top of the world before.

Last week his mom passed. She'd made progress over the few weeks but plumeted in the last few days of her life. I was actually visiting him and his aunts, sister, and brother-in-law at the hospital and me and Mike were actually alone in the room when she passed on Monday June 23rd. I spent the whole night with him talking, and trying to make him smile and I took the next day off work just because I wanted to spend it with him and make sure he was alright, plus we'd been up all the night before, I was thoroughly exhausted.

My whole situation with the ex, first love, Eric really makes me wonder about my definition of love and what I really feel for Mike vs. Eric. Eric is my first love. That's a fact. The way we were 3.5 years ago changed my life in ways I can't describe. I felt things I had never felt before, and I was treated amazingly well. Things took a turn for the bad, and, we dealt with it and have been dealing with it over the years. I know theres a reason why he's back in my life, why he came back in my life about a year ago, and I am grateful for the time he andI have been spending together up until I met Mike. When Eric got back from his 3 weeks away at Thailand though, things were the same, but different. I can't put my finger on what, and whether it was because Mike was in my life then, but, something was different. . . .

Mike is someone that came into my life unexpectedly, has changed my outlook on life, on myself, on love, on relationships in general, and my time spent with him, and things I've learned from being around him and his family, has actually restored my faith a bit. When I went to the memorial service for his mother earlier in the week, the pastors talked about how she feared and loved God. That's how I am. . . . over the years, I have gone to Christian gatherings with friends o fmine, trying to get me to accept Christ in my life. I read the Bible hoping to have a moment where I felt accepted, like a defining moment where I accepted and learned to love God in my own way like I had heard of others doing. I never had it. During that service, listening to the pastors talk about how you shouldn't judge people and nobody is perfect, it hit me. I didn't have a gut-wrenching moment, but I listened to the words they were preaching, and as I thought about it more and more I felt like God brought me into Mike's life for a reason. . . to help him through this trying time, and find my way to God. . .

I have never ever felt this way before, and I'm glad I know how love should be, how I should be treated, and how easy a relationship can be without putting so much effort into it, and where you're not on an emotional rollercoaster all the time. Eric put me through that.

Don't get me wrong, Eric is a great human being, when he's just your friend. But putting more into it than that can get you into trouble, like it has me.

If a guy wants you to be his, he won't let anyone take you away. Eric never wanted anything official with me, I realize. He and I had grown close over the past year, and mean a lot to each other but as far sa more than that,I don't think he ever expected to go anywhere further wtih me. And I think I kind of expected that from the beginning, but, was just killing time until something better came along, then Mike came and showed me the world :)
Friday, June 6, 2008

Reality

Things are so dead here at work, I had to write a few lines down. Let me know what you think.

Images cloud my reality
Visions fill my head
Of what I want to exist

Growing up is an art
People influence your actions
Changing your path

Love can shape you,
hurt, and strangle you,
yet it is what we all crave

The reality sinks into my soul
And I realize what I have always wanted
Isn't what I need at all.

Everything I have overcome,
Everything accomplished,
Everything I've struggled for,
Seems to be nothing but imperfection now.

Reality is a hard thing to take,
Yet it makes you stronger, and
Guides you to where you were meant to be.
Thursday, May 29, 2008

23 & A New Found Independence

I'm now 23, and more so than ever, a completely new found woman. I've gone on and on about all these changes I've made within myself and that I've been experiencing, yet, if I don't actually show those through my actions, they get me nowhere with certain people. Actions speak louder than just saying what you've gained and what you feel.

I have realized much more about myself living on my own, and becoming more independent from my parents everyday, and it's an amazing feeling when you're becoming strong on your own, and feel you can do anything and accomplish anything that comes your way.

The summer is here, and although I just used up some of my vacation time to enjoy a nice relaxing birthday, I am craving to take another vacation again......who knew? I've been wanting to go back to Disney World for some time now, and I may actually start budgeting my $$ better and look into prices, accomodations and see if a possible trip later this year is even an option for me.

June is almost here, and, I can't wait......yet, in a few weeks, my supervisor leaves, and that's what I am dreading. She's the main reason I have stayed at my current job, and when she leaves, I'm not sure where the department will be heading.....I'll be taking on more responsibility and, I'm not sure who will be replacing her. I have actually been working full-time there since the end of August, and I've definitely liked everything how it was. Once I heard she was leaving, I wanted to leave when she was as well...just because she's been the POSITIVE thing keeping me around there. If she were staying there'd be no question about my staying there for awhile longer.

I feel bored with Charlotte to be honest with you. I've actually considered moving out of Charlotte come next year once my lease is up here. I probably will stay at my current job through then just because I'll be surely able to afford this place through then, plus, the benefits and paid sick/vacation leave, and holiday benefits are awesome. I'm hoping we either get extra vacation time come July (or later since STATE IS SLOW) or a raise this year. Last year they got the highest raise they'd seen yet, so more than likely it'll be vacation time they're telling me, and I definitley need that, so *cross your fingers for me!*

It's 12:40am and if I expect to wake up on time tomorrow, I should be hitting the hay. Two more days of work this week, then it'll be the weekend and I'll get to sleep in
Sunday, May 25, 2008

No Worries

It has been awhile since I have really hung out with friends, with no worries in my head or flying across my mind consistently. All of my friends can read my body language, or read how I am very easily. I guess I can't hide my emotions as easily as I thought I could.

My birthday has been a changing one, and although it felt like it was nothing special I definitely have experienced a great sense of relief with my time off work, and spending these days with close friends, especially one that I feel closest to right now.

It's a great feeling when you tell someone that you will miss them when they're getting ready to leave on a 3 week vacation, although I know 3 weeks isn't 'forever' but when you see this person every week and talk to them everyday, it's going to be a little break for the two of you and, and after you tell them that they smile and like that feeling that you'll miss them, it makes me feel good. Knowing I'll miss them and they'll miss me is a great feeling. It will be good for us, but things have changed between us as of most lately the past week so it's a good time for us to just take some space and enjoy time away from eachother, so we don't lose what we have going on between us.
Friday, May 23, 2008

Revamped

How many times will I tell myself that I won't remain unreliable to a certain someone, and will prove him wrong, no matter what? This time I have to stick to it because it's the only option I've got. Unexpectedly, I had a serious conversation with this individual the other night. He took one of my 'jokes' the wrong way and took it seriously and then for the next few hours we were talking about everything and at the end of the conversation, I felt like I had all my questions answered and I felt revamped, like no worries remained and I had tons lifted off my shoulders.

I'm 23 now. May 22nd was my birthday and on the 21st he came down after that serious talk and we had some of the most fun we've had in awhile I believe. Even though he left the morning of my birthday I was so happy he came down and spent that night with me. It was definitely needed. I think it was a great start to a new perspective I'm taking with our relationship. We have become so close after hanging out this time around, and I can't lose that; I won't lose it.We may never be officially together or end up together in the end, but our relationship is very special and it means a lot to both of us.

Possible Disney World trip in our future? We both mentioned really wanting to go and he mentioned us just going, but I have to take into consideration vacation time PLUS $$ being saved up. I'd love to go with him though; it'd be so much fun!!
Saturday, May 3, 2008

Routines

Everything will be alright. Everything is how it should be, atleast that's how I feel for the moment. Why mess with that? Why force something that's not meant to be?

This past week has definitely been one that I can say I've overcome a lot of emotions; I've broken down and built myself back up and I feel stronger than ever before.

Routines wear themselves out and when you change them, it can be quite an adjustment, but you get through it, and can surprise yourself.
Thursday, April 24, 2008

Fatal Blow

Another fatal blow to my heart.

Comforting lyrics......ones that def. have some meaning to me at the moment. Enjoy.

Evanescence - "Whisper"
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me
Into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all go away

Evanescence - "My Immortal"
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Evanescence - "Away From Me"
I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll
I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds
But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to
Lost all faith in the things I have achieved
And I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you(away from this place I have made)
Won't you take me away from me
Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can't go on like this
I loathe all I've become
Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Darkness

This blog has definitely helped me here at work; releasing my thoughts & feelings whenever I feel up to it. I'm in a private work area, so, it's not like anyone's peeking over my shoulder or bothering me while I'm writing.

The car accident this weekend, much like any other car accident anyone would have I presume, gave me a different perspective. Usually I'd ask around to friends if I didn't know or don't know something, and lately I've been wanting to feel and be less clueless/ignorant about certain things; like my car for instance. Today I'm leaving work early to get that taken care of (my tires, that is) - I'm trying to get everything in order instead of waiting until the last minute, or before it's too late.

This weekend is my cousin's wedding, a big reunion for my family and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone. Because of the accident this past weekend, I won't be driving separately like I had originally planned, and same for the following weekend when we go back down to Charleston (for the last time in my grandmother's house that is). . . . it's going to be a sad weekend, and, hard on us, but we'll be ok & survive it.

The quote on this profile is so extremely important to me: You have to have a darkness for the dawn to come. I've found myself in so many 'dark' stages in my life, only to experience an extreme 'dawn' shortly or a long time after. There are moments where I feel like I've lost complete hope. Then, a day or so later I'm revitalized and, I get this strength and I'm not sure where it comes from but right now I have a strength I hope that lasts. I decided yesterday I was going to attempt it, then failed, yet now, I'm sticking to my guns. I'm not going to try so hard with a certain person, or give in as much as I have been. I've been letting myself succomb to everything he wants so easily, making it not hard for him at all to gain what he wants. It's hard to explain really, but pretty much all I'm saying is I'm backing off and giving him and myself space for a little while, and seeing what happens. The next two weekends I don't plan on seeing him because I will be busy with family things, and I don't plan on driving up there again for a bit because of this past weekend. Then again, I've said that the past few weekends and I've gone up there. Now, it's time for a change in that. It's his chance to make a move, and make a difference if he wants to.

I've come to terms with the fact that the relationship I'm in with him right now might not be the healthiest one for a long time for me, yet right now, it works. It's allowing me to grow and making me realize what I deserve and what I need from a significant other. It's interesting that I had to reconnect with an old flame to realize these certain things, but he's been in my head forever.I still love him, don't get me wrong and if this lasts for awhile, it will make me so very happy. Despite the hard times and little arguments we have, it feels right for right now, and I'm enjoying all of the good, and not just remembering the bad.
Sunday, April 20, 2008

Another Day, Another Fall

I ended up going up to Greensboro last night to visit with that someone special....and it was definitely worth it, yet, I experienced a bad accident on my way back home to Charlotte earlier this evening.

I was entering Lexington, although I didn't know that until afterwards, but the roads were wet, and it was continuing to rain, of course when I'm headed on the road home. . . . and my back tires needing replacing, so they were slick but I didn't realize how slick; it wasn't on my mind at the time. I hydroplaned, spun around on I-85 and thank god didn't hit any oncoming traffic, but ran into the guardrail, which busted my back bumper, spun back around (so i was facing the right way) and finally stopped moving and pulled over on the side of the road. Someone must have seen it go on; there were cars around me but thank goodness not in my way - and so they called it in, and a couple cops showed up, as well as a fire chief, firetruck and ambulance, yet I was alright, just really shooken up. I still can't sleep I'm still shooken up.

The fire chief had to cut some of the bumper off that was obviously dangling.....and wouldn't stay on safely, so then the rest of the bumper he said he might as well take off because it was hanging but seemed like it would stay on, but at the speed I'd have to be going on I-85 like 60-70, it could fly off and end up hitting someone, so he took it off, and now there's more stress on me than ever with insurance and fixing the bumper, and, other money issues I'm dealing with.

More than ever, I feel better than ever about my relationship........and I feel it's so positive; I had so much fun last night and today with him, and I can't wait til I talk with him and see him again.
Friday, April 18, 2008

TGIF

Just for the sake of getting out of work early, I'm leaving around 1pm, and using 3 hours of my vacation. I've got to run to the grocery store, and plus, I may be having a visitor in town for the night, which would definitely make my day & weekend much better :) Work went really well yesterday but today I just don't feel like being here, not that anything is going wrong, but I just would rather be out getting other things done that I've been meaning to do lately, but haven't felt like doing until today, of course.

Charleston isn't happening this weekend. My mom and dad decided to go down by themselves, and I'm going down with them and my sister the weekend after next. Next weekend is something everyone's been looking forward to - my cousin Allison's wedding in Columbia, SC. It's going to be like a big reunion, which we're all looking forward to since we haven't seen the family since my grandmother's funeral like 5 years ago. We rarely see them so it's always nice to get the chance to again.

I've got little tedious things to do around here, so I'll get to those; may be back on later to thrill you all with my thoughts :)
Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Lose Myself

I can't wait til 4pm ---> 40 min. to go!!! The countdown begins........

This may be the actual day I skip working out, even though I've said that the past few days, and haven't stuck to it. . . I always end up sticking to working out everyday, or else I'll kind of feel disappointed in myself for slacking off, so I'll probably end up squeezing in some workout in my relaxation time once I get home from work. Even though I feel tired all day here, I get pumped up and awake when I'm working out :) I love that feeling.

This weekend I'm probably going to Charleston, SC with my mom & Dad. Maybe...I'm kind of not looking forward to it> It's probably the last time I'll be spending in my grandmother's old house down there. My mom and aunt found a buyer and they're closing in less than a month.It's like the last piece of my grandmother to let go of, even though she died back in early 2004. I can't believe it's been 4 years!

Overcoming different challenges in my life feels great. I feel stronger than ever. There's so many different challenges I'm putting upon myself to overcome just to test myself. I haven't been following through with certain things I've said to certain people and now's the time to, or else I'll lose myself again.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Complementary

As I was showering today, as I tend to do everyday haha, a lot of things were going through my mind about how I fought the discouragement I had been feeling earlier today, and fought the tiredness I was feeling after work today and got through it and decided to work out anyways today. I told myself if I skipped one day I'd be feeling like a failure and I thought that to myself and I was like I have the ability to workout, I just don't feel up to it, but my show "One Tree Hill" came on and I thought "I'm just going to work out during the commercials" and I ended up doing that plus completing my 30 min. of cardio once the show as over while listening to music through my digital cable (always motivates me) - music is my passion :)

Then, I thought about the relationship I'm in right now and how far we have come. It's probably very confusing to some of you reading, but I dated this guy 3 years ago, and we've overcome a lot over the years, going through lots of drama and now everything seems to be right> yeah, we have days we don't talk as much and we mostly see eachother on weekends and I won' tbe able to for the next couple of weekends due to family stuff going on, yet things seem really good. If something gets at us or bothers us we don't just shut each other out or get angry wtih eachother, although we may get angry, we talk things outand communicate more so than we ever did before.

I found the perfect way to describe it tonight - We complement each other. Everything he has to offer me, I don't necessarily have or am equipped with and same for him. What he doesn't have, I offer for him. How awesome a feeling is that.
Monday, April 14, 2008

A New Perspective

Today is the start of a new work week, which I'm not too thrilled about. As each day/week passes, I become more bored and wanting to get out of Charlotte, which is not a good thing. I used to feel excited about coming to work because I enjoyed being around everybody here. Now there's only a few people I really *love* being around, and most of those people are leaving at the end of May/June. I've been here since August, but the next couple of months seem like they'll go by too fast when my boss will be leaving me here, and then another part of me feels it will go by way too slow.......since I'm kind of looking forward to finding a new job, or getting out of town for that matter.

I have a great comfortable, laid-back job, but I should be making more money, and after a stressful last week financially worried over money, I was relieved when I got my tax return over the weekend :) I'm in good shape now. I get paid tomorrow too, so it's like 2 pay checks at once, it's great :)

My sister's 26th birthday was this weekend; I can't believe it. She's as old as the guy I'm seeing....yet I see them in completely diff. lights. . . . . he seems so much more older than her, yet he's actually 4 months younger than her, imagine that. The relationships I have with them are so diff. and I've been through all kinds of experiences with my sister, so, yeah, they're different in my head.

This might be a blog of rambling, but I'm at work, and there's not much going on here.

It has been a great start to a new week, and I'm pleased....I'm stronger than I thought and expected to be, and, I just feel like from here on out, things will just be getting better & better :)

The only downside is Greensboro is not that *HOT* in the music business. I'm starting to come to the reality of my dream and realizing I've tried many different routes to getting my foot in the door to the business, and nothing seems to really be working out. I find myself just kind of looking for areas to make more money and dealing with one of my many interests, but I'm not sure what will work out for me in the end. If I do end up moving to Greensboro, which wouldn't be til the start of next year, I'd have a good little group of friends, and could easily make more, and living seems to be cheaper up there as well. It's a town similar to Charlotte and not that far from where I've grown up so I wouldn't be too far; I could come home and visit with friends & family here whenever. That's something that's attracted me to the spot. I've been visiting up there for some time now and gotten to see that it is a definite possibility for me. We'll see what happens.

My dreams of being in the music business...........if there's anyone that could help me, I'd love it but my hopes are fading........
Thursday, April 10, 2008

Timing

Timing is everything, especially when it comes to me.

This weekend definitely changed my perspective on a lot going on in my life. There was my cousin's bridal shower in Cowpens, SC (in the middle of nowhere) but it was a meeting place so everyone could meet up and travel the same amount of distance. We spent most of the day there visiting with my dad's side of the family, atleast some of the women from it, whom I never get to see. It had seriously been around 6 years since I'd seen my cousin (who was getting married!) I'm glad we made it though; it definitely was something we all needed. We had lots of laughs, and it was a good break from the serious lifestyle we'd all been having.

As me and my cousins started getting into deeper conversation, catching up on our lives, we dwelved into our personal/family lives. Our dads are all brothers, so we definitely have stories to share about what goes on at home, etc. Our relationships and views of our fathers have definitely affected other relationships in our lives, especially when it comes to the dating world.We've realized that the moment we see a temper in the guy we're dating or just hanging out with to begin with, that strikes us as an issue to be worried about. My cousins seemed more concerned with the temper than me though. I guess you have to know my situation in order to know what issues I'm referring to. Most of my friends are quite familiar with my family issues because it makes up a big part of who I am. Those of you that do not, well, to sum it up, my father is an alcoholic. Growing up was quite interesting in our household, and it has definitely altered my views on certain situations/relationships in my life.

This weekend changed my again though, and to be honest, it's been quite scary, and emotional, something I never imagined. Those conversations I had with my family & my cousins, those people that had and always would be there for me, changed my viewpoint on my relationship with someone I'm seeing/hanging out with now, and, all my friendships in my life, or that used to be in my life. Lately I've been distancing myself from several different friendships, trying to figure out who's really important and who really wants me in their life, and who deserves to be in my life. There's friends that I know are always going to be there for me, but then there's those that I've done wrong to, and who have done wrong to me in the past, that really shouldn't be in my life. Everything happens for a reason, and that is something I've always buckled down to thinking about. I've done stupid stuff in my past to get me to where I am today, and so have my friends. Everyone makes mistakes, and not all those will be forgiven. I've been very grateful that I have been forgiven for several/many of my mistakes; part of why I'm secure with who I am today. I've accomplished a great many of things, and I'm proud to be where I am today in my life, of course this is just the start of a life of my own, independent, and not depending entirely on my parents.

There's just been a lot on my mind lately and I'm not sure what to think of anything, whether it's the fact that everything that my family mentioned and talked about this weekend changed how I saw things going with me at this period in my life, or whether it's just a coincidence that other things are happening at this point in time to make me feel distant from my friends & others right now. It's just a lot to think about too.

I'm also looking ahead, with my job/career, living arrangements, and location wise as well. I mentioned it to my Mom earlier that I love Charlotte so much, and I've lived here since I was 5, and gone to school and college here (I finished last May), and then I got a job 3 months later working for UNCC, where I WENT to college! It's like so much has changed, but then again, so much hasn't. I was used to this kind of working environment, so I looked hard for a job here at the University. I lived home for a few months, but realized I needed to be out on my own, so as soon as I had scrounged up enough money, I started looking for an apartment and I moved out over Christmas Break, which was the perfect time to, allowing me enough time with the family and not feeling so stressed out about the move over a weekend. Things moved fast, and I didnt save up tons of $$ but I had a little cushion to live off of, and start my life with.

Moving out has definitely helped me in lots of ways rediscover myself, allow me to create my own schedule, and allow me the freedom to live my life and do whatever I wanted with my place and my life in general. It's definitely paid off for the most part. If I were to move home after my lease is up, thats an option I love having, yet I know I might feel stranded to find something new and that might rush me again. I think after living on my own for awhile I've realized paying rent really does go nowhere, and I'd love to invest in a condo/townhouse/house, BUT I don't have the money for that yet, and I definitely won't come 2009, at least the start of it. I have lots of thoughts & ideas going through my head; I just wonder what will ACTUALLY happen.
Sunday, April 6, 2008

Facebook

What do you do when your mother decides to sign up for facebook??

Yeah, I just got an email saying she has requested to be my friend and check out her facebook profile - what has the world come to?? If I don't accept her as a friend, she'll think I'm hiding something from her, and I thought I was all clear! Too bad my family was talking to her about facebook yesterday, and she decides to sign up for it today, dangit!

There go all my photo albums.....and here I go editing my profile some more and stuff people have written on my walls, to make it PG :)
Friday, March 28, 2008

A Change Is Gonna Come

I haven't had one of these in awhile. LiveJournal.com used to be one I kept up with, yet it got old to me after awhile, so, I decided to try this site out. It seems pretty nifty, but then again, I could be disappointed, or just not feel like keeping up with it. Hopefully it catches on; if not, then I'll just abandon it like I did others. I have to find more to occupy my downtime at work....this might be an easy solution for that.

It is Friday, and I'm definitely in need of the weekend. It's been an up and down week although since Wednesday evening, things have been feeling really good to me. I don't even know what I am going to have going on this weekend, but hopefully it'll be like all the others - spontaneous and uplifting, and enjoyable.

Lately I've really been thinking about my career, whatever it may turn out to be down the road. Everyone who knows anything about me knows I love music and want to do something within the music/entertainment industry. Just getting the experience necessary to get there is a key component, and since a lot of people are looking for that, it's hard to come by. Because I've already graduated college, and can't get college credit for anything I'd be doing, has kept me from gaining access to certain opportunities believe it or not.

I'm contemplating making a big move in my personal and professional life at the end of this year. My lease for my apartment will be up then, and I definitely won't be staying in it past that date, but, I'm not sure if I'll move home temporarily or make a big move to another city, and Greensboro is what I've been keeping in mind. That's the only city I'd consider moving to at this point in my life; I have friends there and people that would be there for me, and people I would be able to socialize with, plus great job opportunities there as well. From the way people have told me, it is a smaller version of Charlotte, and is more cultural than Charlotte, which would be a different experience for me, but one I might enjoy. I'm all about leaving Charlotte as often as I can, and a new city just might be what I need.

As far as working out & dieting, I was so incredibly focused and then I just wasn't. My goal is to start clean & fresh & hard-core on Sunday. I can really feel it after not eating right/working out right the past week or two. I had a few low days here and there, and had no motivation. A lot has been going through my mind, and I know that's why things have been difficult to stay motivated. I've been visiting SparkPeople.com practically everyday I can, in order to stay motivated and talk with others going through getting into shape and losing weight as well. Many people I've connected with and talked with about issues, and other things. It's an incredibly helpful site, and FREE - how perfect is that!

I'm a big quote fanatic. If I come across one, or more, that really hit home with me, I definitely love sharing them with everyone I know. Some are as follows:

It's not whether you get knocked down. It's whether you get up again.

You may not end up where you thought you were going, but you will always end up where you were meant to be.

Real love is a self-enlarging experience.

Embrace those who love you and whom you love, and rid yourself of those who will only bring you down.

The only people you need in your life are the ones who prove that they need or even want you in theirs....

We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.

you have three choices in your life: give up . give in. or give it all you got

sometimes people come into your life & you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, to teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are and who you want to be.

Things happen for a reason. We may not know it at the time but they can be the best things that happened.

Just look back on, How far we've come.
We've made it somehow, Look where we are now.
We learned to open our eyes,
Now I both think we'd agree,
That we're better off than when we started.
And the best is yet to come.
'cause our story isn't done.
All we've done, Our battles won.
~Hoobastank "Look Where We Are"

Today is going to be a slow one for me, that hopefully goes by fast, but who knows, I might return later and update some more on the joyous events of my life :)