Friday, August 15, 2008


How do you define cheating in a relationship/ What is considered cheating to you?

Last night was a rough night, and I'm not really sure when I'll move past it, or get over it.

I've been with Mike a little over 2 months now, love him to death, don't want to lose him. It's the best relationship I have ever been in, and the healthiest, yet I'm waiting for it to fail. Everything else, and all the other relationships in my life have failed up until this point, so I guess I'm waiting for this one to.

Eric, as I've mentioned before, still remains in my life. The question is why? Automatically in the past my answer to that questoin has been and would be "I love him. I care about him, and we both want to be in each other's lives, whether we're dating, officially together, or not." He was in town since Wednesday puppysitting and housesitting for his sister, Nikki, in Gastonia which is conveniently on the way to Mike's, like 35 min. away from my apartment.We've hung out the past two nights but so have Mike and I, after I hung out with Eric. Both times Mike showed his jealous side and it was good to see how much he cared but I didn't like how everything turned out last night.

I went to hang out with Eric since Mike was watching the game with some other people; I would've preferred hang out with Mike but I had nothing else going on, so I hit up Eric and suggested getting together, chillin and having a few drinks at his sister's since he was drinking anyways. We drink for a bit and then I'm texting with Mike and we want to meet up after I leave there. I don't know why I did not just tell him I was hanging out with Eric but I thought he'd see that very different than what it really was about. I can't believe I lied, and I'm continuing to do it right now. I have to stick to that story. I told him I was visiting my old friend Jon (Cobb I call him) who actually lives down the street from Eric's sister, conveniently.

I had been drinking and was going to meet Mike, but as I was walking out of the room to get my purse telling Eric I was leaving in a minute since I had work in the morning, Eric grabbed my hands (gently of course) and turned me around, and kissed me. I have never been cheated on or cheated, until that moment. I feel horrible. Mike doesn't know we hung out last night but when I was with Mike he noticed texts I had sent Eric when I passed out.

Eric has always been toxic to me and in all my relationships, I don't know why he's still in my life and why I allowed what happened last night to happen. . . I feel sick to my stomach. I want to make it up to Mike but we love eachother, and I dont know why I did what I did. Eric and I were involved wheN Mike and I met.