Monday, May 25, 2009

Feeling Stuck With No Way Out

Usually, I can keep my tongue held tight, and only vent to friends and family about this, but it's time for a blog about it. Here goes nothin.....

Have you ever had a job that you disliked so much that it brought your mentality down, affected the rest of your life, and made you unhappy? I'm in that position right now, and, with the way the economy is, there's nothing I can really do about it. I could take unpaid time off, but I need the money to keep on track with bills and whatnot. So I'm stuck.

I know once I leave here, whenever that will be, I have a 'savings' account aka retirement fund that has been adding up over the time I've been here that I'm not allowed to touch until I leave this state job. It's a nice little cushion, but nothing I could live off forever. I'm really waiting on a position with my family's new company that's still in the beginning stages, but things look promising, and things seem to be moving along at a good pace. I told myself a year ago I wanted out of this place and yet I'm still here. I've been applying to places here and there, venting to people that I have good relationships with along the way, venting, and venting and venting it seems. I can't vent enough.

I'm in a position where I can't talk with anyone in my department otherwise it will look very bad on me, giving them a poor impression of me I feel, yet I feel talking to someone in Employee Relations or the Counseling Center will pretty much get me nowhere, just more venting. I don't have tons of sick or vacation time saved up, plus I have a few obligations I've already committed to in the next few months where I will be earning just enough time for those events, so I couldn't take a random vacation here soon because then I'd have to take UNPAID time off for those upcoming things, or that little random vacation away from everything.

I know this is probably a bunch of random jumbled things together, but writing about these kinds of things helps me to focus. And, right now, my job is something really holding me back from being happy, which means it's time to get out. But where do I go? And when? And how do I cope for the time being?

MySpace Blogging

have gotten more into doing blogs on myspace, for the public eye's at least.A few 'friends' of mine on there have gotten really popular with their blogs, and I'm trying to gain more of an audience myself. I make my own perspecitves in response to the topics of their blogs and I've made a few new 'friends' doing that. I can relate to several people on there, and I like being able to share things with others on there.

I may post them on here later if I see fit, but right now I'll update you to what's been going on in my life the past month or so since it's been awhile since I've posted anything on here.

May 25. Race just started at noon, postponed from yesterday since it got rained out. Wish I was there. Went to my 2nd race ever last weekend, the All-Star Race and I loved it just as much as I did my first race ever, with Mike of course. :) I like the rainy, gloomy weather but wish I could be at home relaxing watching tv or getting other things done instead of sitting here not doing much at work, especially on Memorial Day. Who doesn't let their employees off on this National Holiday, especially when we are still at WAR? It makes no sense to me. Nothing I can do about it. I got Friday off at least for my 24th Birthday! :)

Yesterday Mike's sister, Nikki, threw me a little surprise get together for me, and they pulled it off well :) Cake, decorations, hot dogs, hamburgers, and of course Mike brought the Wii and we played that throughout the night. :) I got to talk with some of Mike's family a bit more and got to know them a bit more, which I enjoyed. Very nice people.

Turning 24, has hit me harder than I thought it would. I feel much older than I am, but becasue another year has gone by I feel more discourage about not getting away from UNCC and working here and having to stay here until something else is lined up for me and I'm even more discouraged because I couldn't live off what I have in savings if I left this job. And the economy sucks. I just feel discouraged all over.

I still love the house :) Almost a year with mike and I can't wait to celebrate many more with him.

A few conflicting things with my friends and family have occurred with Mike, but they've been solved for the most part. :) All's well that ends well.