Thursday, November 13, 2008

Faith Found

A lot of people have told me about moments where they have been saved by God.I never thought it was possible. To have that feeling overcome you, and feel replenished afterwards? How could that possibly happen?

I once had this best friend in my life, that changed it forever. He will always be in my heart, no matter what the outcome of our relationship/friendship was. I wish I could show him who I am now, and what I've become because he would be quite surprised. I found God.

He and I knew eachother at a time in our lives when we both didn't know where we were going, and what life would make of us, why we were doing certain things and what we wanted out of life. We had dreams, ambitions, and hopes for the world we were in. What we've made of it? We both seem to be on the right track and I love knowing that we were a part of eachother's lives for even that small amount of time.

He used to educate me on all kinds of things, but he also noted certain things that he didn't understand people doing like cursing or drinking. He used to do it, had an epiphany, and became much more dedicated to God, and, realized: what's the point? It lowers yourself and doesn't make you the best person you can be for the world. Change yourself into who you want to be seen as.

As I'm writing this, I feel selfish for all the things I once did years ago throughout college. When this man was in my life, I lied and abused myself with alcohol, and cursed a whole lot negatively. Now a days I don't do it but just for fun with my boyfriend, Mike, and my best friend, Amber, but back then I used it in other ways I shouldn't have. Ray taught me a lot about religion, and life as a whole that I might have never encountered if it weren't for him. He literally "got a second chance at life, and he didn't take it for granted like a lot of people do these days. He took it & ran with it. He tried expressing to me how much he wanted me to see how precious life was, but I didn't see it as clear as I do now.

Now I am with this amazing guy, Mike, and, he has restored a lot more of my faith in God as well, reminding me of the times Ray would talk about God with me. The purpose of this post. It reminds me a lot of how passionate Ray was towards his faith, and why things are the way they are now. Ray was meant to be in my life at that point in time, and there are moments I won't forget with him, that really changed me as a person. I just wish he could see the woman he helped change and save. I know that may never happen though. We've both gone in different directions with our lives, and drifting apart, which, sadly, has happened to a lot of my friends and I.

In moments of weakness, I have dwelled in the past seeking some sort of explanation for why things have happened the way they have, and, why my journey has lead me here. All I can think of in the past is the extreme good Ray brought in my life, and how I knew I wanted him in my life forever. I'm happy to see where he's at now, but I do miss my friend. . . since he was one of the people that did know me best for a long period of time. He has moved on, and doesn't care to share his present life with me in it now, and I have to deal with that, as hard as it is.