Friday, October 23, 2009


I have not been posting on this blog or my myspace blog for awhile because I have been particular about what I've been writing about lately. I felt like it was useless because I had maybe one reader and that was it, but I'm hoping to gain more as time goes on, and as I learn to use Google's Blogger better and get more familiar with everything it entails.

I'm 24, full-time receptionist at the college I graduated from 2+ years ago, and, my degree is not really being used right now, and I have passions in music, entertainment, and photography. What am I doing with it currently? NOTHING. SQUAT. ZIP. I don't have the money to put into a professional or let alone regular digital camera unless I want to wipe out my bank account pretty much, and, I'm trying to put some money away here and there from a part time job I have but it's only a little bit every couple of weeks. It's something, I know, but doesn't seem to be adding up to enough. That's something I've always enjoyed doing, and the thrill of it excites me all the time when I see people with new and better cameras than I've ever had and want.

Another consideration I'm thinking about that I've visited before and threw out the window, was a Master's in Entertainment Music through Full Sail University. It'd be long-distance, online and less than two years, based on how hard I work at it, and how much I get accomplished, and of course how well I 'get' everything, right?

Last night I attended a HANSON concert, yes the girly-boy band everyone has talked about since their appearance in 1997. I've loved them ever since I saw them on the Rosie O Donnell show and saw them live shortly after downtown Charlotte, NC. They played at Amos' last night where they pretty much have come the past couple of years, and will revisit next year when their new album is released :) I'm so excited for the next time I see them live. I saw old faces, and revisited old times with people since everyone there has followed them since the beginning. It made me feel young again, and although I felt extremely stressed at the start of yesterday, I felt carefree and happy, and young by the end of the night. It made me realize what I'd been missing, something to make me happy and feel accomplished and passionate about. Music does that for me.

xoxoxo Pictures, Images and Photos

Use Your Sole Tour flyer Pictures, Images and Photos

The day before, I had received a job offer for a teller position at a credit union about 20 min. from where I live. Right now, I commute about an hour to a receptionist job, mostly because I moved away after having it to get out of the main city I was from. I felt confined and wanted a change. I pay $400/month on a month to month lease and I love my house, my boyfriend whom I live with, and my 2 dogs Ava and Cujo. Great, sweet dogs, big babies really. If only it were closer to my job, it'd be PERFECT. But it's not. Of course, I'm also experiencing issues with my supervisor, and although it's just her management style, it still irks me. Anyways, I'm rambling.

I got this offer and it was a great opportunity, but I wasn't exactly thrilled about getting it, much to my surprise because I have been complaining about my place of work for awhile now. Through the interviewing process (just one interview), the guy I interviewed with was nice, and everything, but I think I made myself believe i wanted to be in the banking industry, when I really just wanted a way to get out of my job (which is not as bad as I was thinking of course). I questioned the guy about different perks and they were much better where I'm at now. I had doubts in me ever since I got the offer. And that told me I shouldn't take it. Although i was excited to have an 'out' of this job, I couldn't do it. I was looking at all the negatives of my job before, but now see all the more positive out of it. I have so much flying through my mind, it's insane, and I know if I leave this job, it has to be for something I'm sure I want and am passionate about. Not just to find another job that pays the bills that might make me miserable in the long run ya know?And I was going back and forth the pros and cons of staying/leaving, and I don't regret my decision to turn down the offer. I know it was the right thing for me to do. I then told a couple of my friends to apply to teller positions since they're interviewing a lot and needing more people.

Now moving on to the next step of my life...I'm not going to just keep applying to jobs and treating it like a game. I didn't mean to treat it like one and never intended on doing that, but I guess I was. Sorry people out there that dont like me for that.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to those things I was so passionate about, but let go of. Instead of just being desperate and looking for just any kind of job like the oneI have now, I have to really strive for something better. Better than what I think I deserve at times. Better than I can imagine. Sometimes I don't think I've done what I could have while I was in college, and I need to fix that. If that means going into debt getting a better education, then that's a good investment. If it's spending my savings on something that will make me happier, then I guess I should do that? I don't know. I go back and forth with what's right, what's the correct way of doing things, and then I get stuck again.

Sometimes I don't feel I have the strength to move, to change jobs, to invest in something new that would make me happier all around. I question everything.

It was really good seeing some old familiar faces. Ones from high school I used to be close to that I'd drifted apart from, but we still keep in touch from time to time. I see how successful they've been with passions they've found, in jobs they have, and, then I look at myself and think, "What am I doing with my life?" Am I just waiting for my life to pass me by? I'm not doing anything about my passions, well I thought I was, but I need to try harder than I ever have. And, hopefully that gets me somewhere closer. All I can do is hope.

hope. Pictures, Images and Photos