Thursday, September 24, 2009

Dear Lee 2003 (GBT)

Funny how I've only responded the past time or two to GROUP BLOG THURSDAYS :)

Anyways, I have to be in a certain mindset to write these days, and you caught me on one of those mornings.

Dear Lee 2003 -

You've heard the same kind of graduation speech for the past 3 years, having to attend every other graduation ceremony during your high school years since it counts as a final exam grade in band class. It finally hits you, after all the buildup to this day, that you won't see the same faces in one room ever again. This is the last time things will be normal, in a sense. Everyone is expected to graduate high school. From here on out, everyone has their own unique life. Some will go on to college, some will work at the same job they have for a few years now, and be satisfied with that.

It's hard to really feel that until you leave this room, and see all the goodbyes' being had, hugs given, pictures taken. It won't fully hit you until August rolls around, and, you're in a whole new environment with unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar settings. You'll be in college, with completely new people, a new start for you. As scary as that might feel now, and as homesick as you might be, it will be a huge adjustment. You'll get through it and learn to love it more than you ever thought you could.

Many of the people in the room you're in you may not have even said one word to. You know of each other, you know each other's names, seen each other around. It doesn't make you friends, but makes you classmates. This is your class of 2003 of David W. Butler High School. This is probably how you'll be remembered to everyone else in the room. Unless by chance, you stay in touch with those you hold close. Who knows, you could reconnect with someone or some people in this room years to come, and become the best of friends with someone you share some bit of past with. Might be interesting.

You might have thought you found love once. You didn't. You thought you did because that was the closest relationship with a guy you'd ever had. Many more will come, and you'll have to start being picky. You can't be nice to everyone, and you can't give everyone a chance. Be choosy. Don't rush into anything you're unsure about. If you have doubts, listen to what your heart is telling yourself, and back off, and take some time for yourself. Just because everyone around you may be in a relationship doesn't mean you have to be as well. You don't have to always follow the crowd. Listen to YOUR heart. Not everyone's heart reads or feels the same.

You will definitely feel lost at times, only to look to those close by you, your loved ones, for the answers and guide to the right way. You'll find it. It might take more time than you planned, but the right answer will find you to what you should do.

A craving for leaving the only town you've really ever known will come upon you, and maybe you will please that craving, maybe you won't. No matter what, know everyone will support you in whatever you decide to do.

Friends come and go. Not everyone stays friends forever. You can't hold onto the past as if people don't change because they do, and not only do people change, but situations change as well. You aren't guaranteed to have all the friends in the world. And no matter what you do, not everyone will like you, not everyone will forgive you for things you did in your past. Some people hold grudges forever. You can't control what everyone will do, think, or feel.

Just be yourself, and be true to yourself. Don't let someone else control you. Live YOUR life the way YOU choose to and want to. That's all that matters.
Thursday, September 17, 2009

Loving A Blogger (GBT)

Stephanie is my role model when it comes to blogging. I love reading hers, getting those email notifications in my box, and it's something I look forward to doing every morning, or every time I check my email for the first time, which is 2:05 pm since I was in bed sick all morning til now. Lucky me.

I haven't been writing blogs lately, and that saddens me, but she's the only one really following me on here, so who knows who else has found me by now.

I used to be on MySpace but then a member of my family got offended by something I wrote, the only family member that read my blogs, so I stopped. It pushed me away from there and to here.

In response to Stephanie's blog, I live with my boyfriend. He used to read all of my blogs until I changed over to here. And then I told him I changed over to here. I had nothing to hide. He read the times I mentioned him and he was like "wow you speak so highly of me" and I was like well, I love you and I'm with you, and I'm always going to think highly of you while I'm still here with you. If I don't admire you or don't think that way of you, why would I be with you, you know? That was his initial reaction when he'd read blogs about himself. I think he was curious to read about my blogs because at the time I had ex's who were coming in and out of my life, and now they're gone. Well the toxic ones at that. The others that have truly been friends, and nothing more, may talk to me on occassion but it's nothing that's going to affect our relationship. He doesn't feel threatened. And I think that's why he doesn't care what I blog about, he doesn't care because its somethingI feel I want and need to do to vent and release the energy I have inside of me.

I want to blog more but sometimes I'm not sure what all to share on here. But I'm honest about my blogs with my significant other and I feel he deserves being talked about from time to time, butI try not to all the time, it might be boring for my readers (whatever readers I have) :)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A True Gemini

A recent conversation with my mother (oh yes, of the many), made me realize that I'm true to my astrological sign, Gemini. - I like change a LOT. I used to rearrange my bedroom at home a lot, and, I have started many projects and have yet to finish them, like scrapbooking. I've gone through different phases of 'cravings' and don't end up finishing them, but work at them bit by bit over a period of time. Nothing wrong with that now, is there?

Lately I've been conflicted with a lot of different issues going on in my life:
-dermatillomania
-parents having issues with my boyfriend
-where i live
-my job
-finances
-career interests

The first is an issue I discovered today, which describes something I'm going through. If interested, you can google it and read all about it.

Second, is one I've always had for over a year now since I began dating Mike. I'm sure you've read other blogs of mine relating to the issue, so I won't be repetitive.

Third, my last blog explained why I'd like to move, and everything surrounding that.

Fourth, earlier posts explain how unhappy I am with my job, but I just passed the 2 year mark here, so I get more vacation time per month. By Christmas I could have a week saved up, but how to use it (if I don't use any before then?) hmmmm I also have sick time too. So maybe a doctors appt will come up here and then, who knows :)

Fifth, finances are always an issue. I'm trying to stress less over it, and Mike's working as many hours as he can now, so he is trying to get his finances in order as well.

Sixth, and last, career interests. I've recently got this grand interest in photography, and I've decided I need to build up my portfolio and start shooting again, but since I only have a manual camera (and everything has gone digital now)....i'll need a new camera. For the time being, up until I save enough for my own, I've asked around, and gotten lucky with finding someone with a really nice one that I could use, and use photoshop to touch up and get some shoots in for some examples, and gain more experience working with digital and photoshop. I'll have to do free things here and there, build up my shots, and make a website displaying them all but it's definitely something I'd love to get involved with and I'm taking the first steps towards it. :) I'm excited.