Monday, December 8, 2008

The World Has Lost An Angel

Jenna Seagraves, a dear friend of mine, passed away Thursday morning around 3am.

My good friend Sean told me the news over AIM on Thursday around 3pm while I was at work, and I'm still in shock. The visitation/funeral were difficult to get through this weekend, but I made it through. My friends and I have all come back together, reconnected in lots of ways, and cherished each other, and it's sad that it had to be because of this.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Amazingly In Love

I wonder who would actually be interested in reading about all the drama and confusion that I have in my life. I contemplated writing awhile back, and now I'm revisiting the idea, thanks to Mike. He has a passion for reading & writing, and he's amazing at it. I've considered turning all of these journal entries into a novel/book someday. Of course, adding a bit to it to make it more entertaining at some points, but what does everyone think of that?

Every day I seem to doubt my relationships in my life, something happens to make them seem more amazing than ever. The difference between the relationship I have now and all my other relationships is that we follow this model: An exclusive relationship means an inclusive partnership.

I was googling at work while I had some downtime and I found these quotes that I absolutely believe in & love:
-LOVE comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed. To those who still believe even though they've been betrayed. To those who need to love even though they've been hurt before.
-The best part about loving is not wishing that the person loves you as much as you do but in feeling that you love the person far more than you thought you could.
-LOVE is not a matter of finding the right person but creating the right relationship.
-To LOVE someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.

I've never felt so in love, and nothing ever made so much sense like it does now. I miss him like crazy when he's not around, and, for the first time, I really don't know what I'd be without him. No matter what happens between Mike & I, I will be stronger than I've ever been. He's allowed me to see things like no one else has, and has allowed me to understand things I can control, and things I cannot, and the things I shouldn't hold onto, and things I should let go of. He's shown me what I deserve and how I should live my life. He's not controlling; he doesn't degrade me EVER; he loves me and finds me perfect for him. We're a perfect match, and, that's how we BOTH see it.

I can't wait to see him again; that time can't come soon enough.
Monday, December 1, 2008

December

Do you ever feel like if you were to sit down with someone, and have a positive conversation, you would come across as someone completely different? Even if only a few months have passed since you last saw them? I feel that way right now, but I have forgiven myself & him for all that's happened. I can't hold grudges, I can't continue holding anger inside. I have to think positive about the life I'm living, and move forward. What's done is done and can't be changed, can't be fixed, but I've restored a lot of my faith back in God thanks to everything in my life right now, and things just seem to keep getting better.

I can't believe Mike & I's 6 months will be on Sunday. It's so unbelievable how fast these months have flown by, and how much things have changed with me. Earlier this year I was considering moving to Greensboro, and now I'm moving home with my parents, temporarily, and wondering where my life will take me next. The good thing about this company is I could do it from anywhere, in my own home. The money will be good, but for the time being, I'm still working at UNCC, and I will be saving up that money and seeing the better side of things from this moment forward. I wonder where I'll end up; the problem is I don't want to live in another apartment. I'd love to find a house to rent, maybe a roomate to rent with me.

There are perks to living alone vs. having roomates, but the vice verse applies as well.

Once I'm living at home for at least a month I'll figure things out I'm sure.