Friday, October 20, 2006

My Writings, My Soul

Regrets come up, you seek to forget.
Lessons were learned, truths faced.
Demons came up, and hearts were broken down.
It pains me to know everything I've done,
yet amazes me to see how far I've come.
Truths have been faced, demons put away,
where originally I had become numb.

The people in my life have come and gone,
not all to my doing, but certainly some.
These mistakes have cost me trust in good friendships,
but has made me value all that has come since.

Emotions got the better of me, I have to admit.
Nothing can be forgiven, but time can only tell,
what the end results shall be, and how everything will fit.
"Forgive and forget"? Or "Go To Hell."

You're not a forgiving person, everyone knows.
I'm surprised you even give me the time of day.
When I did what I did, and don't deserve anything,
Why do you talk to me as if it were all okay?

Tons of remorse, sick to my stomach.
Will this ever pass, not sure I'd want it to.
Memories remain of bad decisions,
Moved on to a new chapter, everything's brand new.

No excuses, can't forgive myself.
Time has passed, heart is healing.
Hopefully we can be real friends,
Similar to the beginning.

Up and down, bounced around,
My emotions won't stop going.
Back and forth, not slowing down,
everything keeps flowing.

My time has come,
I've brought about a change.
A change in this life, a change in me.
Miles away, heart has healed.
Time can change
Everything I feel.

My motivations and strengths have gottten me thus far,
I've gone to great lengths not to be who you are.

Moving on and forth with this life,
wondering what's to come,
Causing my inner self such strife,
was not very fun.

Friends first, put away the past.
Rekindle the trust and care within.
What's important should last,
Either way it will be a win.

Grown apart, yet grown up so very much.
Something I've dealt with in my own way.
Longing to see if I can still feel your touch,
In my heart, mind, and body, will everything be okay?

Looking and hoping for something more.
Something that will take care of the sad.
My feelings come and go,
as I watch my life pass by.
The dreams I once had are gone,
and all I can think of is why.

Proud of where I am,
anxious about where I could be,
imagining all the possibilities,
of all there is out there for me.

I have the best attitude
that's ever been in me.
Overcoming something I hated,
now the good is all I see.

College is almost over,
and I'm scared to leave
a life I've become accustomed to,
all I can perceive.
Noone should make you feel such pain,
make you cry or hurt, that's insane.

Special days where you're full of smiles,
that's what love is, make it last awhile.
Facing the real world in a rekindled skin,
Hiding all I've seen within.

The world is a scary place overall,
when entering it for the first time, don't fall.

Confident and successful, tall and strong.
Don't waste everything - it's taken you so long.

Remember you're never alone in this great big world.
You always have the support reminding you how far you've soared.

Forget the bad, but remember lessons you've learned.
What makes you you, the difficult corners you've turned.

Changes are a part of everyday life,
no matter how hard, or how much strife.

There are low times, yet great times too.
Don't sink too deep, that's not you.

The future is near, don't run from it.
Don't look back, see what fits.
Saturday, October 14, 2006

RAY's Advice

My good friend Ray and I have had many heart-to-heart and hilarious chats about everything, especially life in general...and this is something I came across on his myspace page - check it out ladies! and...guys, yeah, well...he lets us girls know how it really is.

Ok now, I had a conversation with a girl who wanted my opinion on dating and how to find a good guy. Rather than getting played all the time.

So here are some things that all girls need to take to heart, if you don't want to get played anymore, and want to find a good relationship.

1. You have to be careful with the word "LOVE". Today it is used to eagerly and too loosely. Love takes time to bloom, and it means something deep when you get to that point. Now what does love mean? This is the question everyone asks and has no answer for. So I will answer it for you.

Love is to be close to someone, not through sex or through passion, but through spirit. It means to care unconditionally, with no thought of being with anyone else but the one you "love." It is to believe in them and to be able to stay with them for the rest of life. Sex is not love, nor is do not confuse it like so many people do.

And remember, if you love someone, they are honestly your best friend. The best friend I might add, the one you will confide in. The one who will be there for you when everyone else moves on and is gone.

This means you must be friends before you can be lovers, not the other way around. Remember that!

2. You need to play hard to get, this is important! If a guy is only there for sex, or to get you out of your pants. Then these guys will leave you within the first month....the slick ones will stay, but cheat on you for about 2-3 months. I know that's harsh to hear, but it is true!

Now, by playing hard to get, and not giving the guy what he wants; you will be able to find out if you and the relationship means more to him than sex.

If sex is the least thing on his mind, then you know he is a good guy. All that will matter to him Is that he gets to spend his time with you, and that you are there for him. And he in turn will be there for you!

3. Now we get into the Romance and what you two do with your time. When you are in a good relationship, the guy will try to do special things for you. You in turn should do the same!
Now, this does not mean you have to spend money all the time to do such things. As a matter of fact, some of the most romantic and caring things can be done at a low cost....or free.

This may sound cheap, but let me give you a few ideas. Some things I have done in the guys position, and things you can do as a girl.

Here we go:

1. For girls or guys, why not make a candle light dinner? Use long candles in the middle of the table, unscented. Also have rose pedals strung on top of the table to off-set it with a low perfume aroma and a generally nice look.

You can also place candles all over the room to give it a low light look as well.
Cliche' I know....but it is nice regardless.

2. For the Guys: Go for a walk in the park together. Either at night or day. Most parks have a bridge over a stream, take her there and tell her to wait a second. Take out a pocket knife, and carve a heart in the wooden rail, put your initials. Now, from behind her....put your arms around her. Ask her to make a wish while looking down at the water, standing over the heart. It will come true. (I PROMISE IT WILL!!)

3. Girls or GUYS: Again at the park, why not take the time to pack a lunch? Have a mid-day picnic together. This might sound a bit useless....but trust me, its under-rated. IT's all about that you took the time to do something special.

4. And now, FOR THE GUYS! I swore I would never tell anyone this. But I feel all girls deserve to have this done for them at least once!


He'll take you to a high-rise parking deck....or a parking lot will do. Usually after a good rain has fallen on a warm night.

When you get there, he will park under a light, and ask you to get out. At this point, if timed right....his car will begin playing a deep and loving song. Kind of like "Thank you in Advance"
He'll take you in his arms and dance with you on your own personal stage.

Now why the wet night? you dance steam will slowly rise around you two. Basically, it literally will make a huge dancing circle around you. It gives the illusion of many "angelic" forms dancing around you.

Pretty sweet eh?

Well hope it works out for you all!


Girls with Makeup? Hot or Not? Rank Me?


It's sad to see how many of you girls are depending more and more on these sites or utilities to make yourself feel better.

The saddest ones are the girls who think they need to strip down and show off their bodies all over the net to get a good review.

Now tell me, why is it a lot of females hate to be looked at only for sex, or a piece of ass (pardon the language), when in fact you welcome it upon yourself?

I understand that the male population, as well as the media make it seem you have to have the perfect looks and body to be respected. Or that you have to follow and portray Hollywood's newest diet trend. Don't get me wrong, taking care of your body and being in good health is one thing.

But killing yourself by starving and dieting yourself to death is just not the way. So what if you can't get a date with that guy because you don't think you are his "type?" Haven't you learned that for every person that looks down on you, there area hundred more who will befriend you, and care for you.


Now to the guys, if you really want a great girl and special one; then why are you contributing to the decline of this chance?

By using or disrespecting a girl, not only do you add to their thoughts that they are not good or beautiful enough, but you also create the type of girl who thinks, "what else am I good for than just sex, or being used?"

It is true, many girls....even those who look beautiful with or without makeup, generally have a bad view of themselves. Simply because there is a lot more pressure on females to portray this perfect look. To have slender bodies, perfect clothing fashion, and great hair!

But when it comes to it, if you are with a girl for her looks, or her body....then you're making a tragic mistake. What if this girl you are with got into a car accident....her face was scared for life, and she will never look the way she used to again.

Will you stay with her? Will you still love her? If not, then that's quiet shallow, and you should ask yourself where your priorities are.


Now this applies to the females too! Don't date just for looks, that's why you are not finding guys who are the "sweet or nice guys". You have to date by attitude and the caring factor. Not by looks.

Remember everyone, looks fade with time. You wont wake up to the same person when she is not wearing makeup, so don't date by that. (Look at Brittany Take what I said to, what if they got into an accident to heart, it is important.

Well, that's all I can say on that. Hope it helps.

Just take to heart what I said about not dating for looks. Because if the one your with should loose their looks, and you can't say your with them for who they are.....then you do not love them or care for them at all really.

And girls. When you find that guy, the guy who truly loves and cares for you; it wont matter how you look, or if your willing to sleep with him or NOT!

All that will matter is your attitude and who you are, and years from now...when your gray and old; that guy will still love you unconditionally.

Simply because looks fade, but TRUE love lasts eternal. Remember that!


Your friend and Speaker of TRUTH! (Lol)

Friday, October 6, 2006

Wanting THIS...

"..I need someone who can wrestle with me and let me win..who laughs at my jokes.. A boy who puts my cold hands in his warm hoodie... Who lets me use his sweatshirt for a pillow..Who says I love you and means it. Who will kiss me in the rain, sunshine, and snow.Who calls unexpectantly at random times. Who i can go swimming with on hot days..Who will listen to me talk about the new nail polish I got. A boy who saves his genuine big smiles for me.... Who wears baseball hats and let's me wear his too... Who gives me his t-shirt to change into and not expect to get it back...Who knows my favorite color, song, car, vegetable, perfume, and the color of my toothbrush. A boy who will shake my daddy's hand and look my mommy in the eye. A boy who will call me by my full name...A boy who will let me cry to him..Who tells me I have a nice laugh and a smile that lights up the room... and simply be mine to hold.."

"...Wait for the boy who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kinda boy who brings out the best in you and makes you wanna be a better person. wait for the boy who will be your best friend, who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, wait for the boy who makes you smile like no one else and when he smiles you know he needs you. wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and have no make-up on. but appreciates it when you get dolled up for him... and most of all wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe because that's where you belong...."

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who stays awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who pursues you, who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. the one who is constantly reminding you how much he cares, and how lucky he is to have you... The guy that would walk over water just to know your happy.... The guy that turns to his friends and says " thats her..thats my girl"...
Monday, August 14, 2006

New Puppy

As much as we miss Gizmo, my mom has been looking for another lhasa opso (what Gizmo was) and she found a site We never imagined we could find puppies online, and order them, and they could be flown to us!

My mom and the rest of the family has been looking through pictures of different lhasas and we were deciding between 3 diff puppies that were adorable (all from the same litter too) but then a new one was posted yesterday morning that we all fell in love with from the start!..........and my mom sent the payment and the paperwork was completed yesterday afternoon :)
They named him Seymore on the site, but he's only 7-8 weeks old, flying out to Raleigh Sept 6th, and we're gonna go pick him up then! I'm excited! We think we're gonna name him Charlie since that was our first dog's name who died when I was like 1 or 2, that I don't even remember. We got Gizmo when I was 7, and there will never be another Gizmo.

Message me for pictures, you'll fall in love with him too!!
Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Gizmo, Rest In Peace

Yesterday was probably the hardest day I've had to experience in quite some time. Although there are times where I've imagined my dog dying, I never imagined it would happen like it did. I thought it might happen naturally eventually since he was already 14, had trouble seeing/hearing occassionally. . . . but that's not how it happened.

Yesterday morning I got a text from my mom on my cell phone requesting me to call her whenever I could. I looked online and she had emailed me to; I just had woken up so I knew something was up because she NEVER texts me. She's not a big fan of it.

I called her back to see what was going on. As I hear her crying over the phone, I begged her to tell me what was wrong, but she said she couldn't over the phone, that I'd have to come home sometime that day to find out, so I thought it wouldn't be anything that bad becuase she said I didn't have to come right then. I rushed and showered and got ready, and drove home fast, with all these horrible thoughts in my mind as to what might have happened.

As I drive up and park in front of my house, I see my mom bringing something to the mailbox, and I knew it must've been something bad because she started crying and breaking down again. And she grabbed me and told me the news. I was in shock for a few minutes as our neighbor Jeanne came over to console with us. Right after she left, I broke down, I lost it. I am still processing it, although I spent most of the day yesterday with my mom, sister and brother, spending time together remembering him. We even went to the shelter becuase we had to see some dogs/puppies, but it kept breaking us down. We didnt plan on getting one anyways, but we just wanted that familiar presence. We weren't going to make any moves without my dad being there because this is a family choice. We thought about getting a different dog other than what Gizmo was, a lhasa opso, but we honestly believe thats what we need, what we're used to.
We hated that he had to be in NY all day doing work stuff, later come to find out he had trouble concentrating that entire day because of all that happened that morning. He called us later from the NY airport telling us more about what happened and telling us that he had trouble doing everything that day becuase that was the main thing on his mind all day. He got home last night after we all had gone back our separate ways, but tonight Ill be going back to see him, because I cannot believe all he did. It shocked us he'd do mouth to mouth, I don't even know if I'd have done that.....

He is the one that let my dog out that morning, as we always do, each and every morning. My dad had to go to NY for work that day so he went about his business getting ready, realized it was time to let Gizmo back inside, and he couldn't find him, and that's when he spotted him floating in the pool. He pulled him out in enough time to where he was still alive, did mouth to mouth on him (now that's love...because that dog had horrible breath), and got some water out, but he kept doing mouth to mouth, and realized after doing it a few more times that he had died. In his words, he noticed it when Gizmo's eyes were just still looking at him. It's hard to type this out thinking back, but it helps too. I haven't cried yet today, although I've wanted to. I can't wait to go home tonight becuase while I'm at my apartment, somewhere Gizmo was never at, it's hard. I'd rather be at home where I can picture him and remember being with him so much.
I don't like when people are just like 'oh its just a pet, everyone loses pets,' because pets become members of your family. He was 14 years old, I'd had him growing up, since I was 7. My family tells me we had a couple dogs before then, but I don't have memories with those like I do Gizmo.
The really thing that frustrates me is my Aunt Sandra. We got Gizmo from her becuaes two of her dogs were Gizmo's parents. She gave him to us because we needed/wanted another dog, especially a lhasa opso. We loved those. She and my mom havent' been on great terms sinec their mom, my grandmother, died a few years ago. Disputes over her house, keeping it up, reselling it, letting my mom have it, and so on adn so forth.

My mom must've emailed her to tell her the news about Gizmo, and of course, you'd think despite all their disputes and everything they've been thru since my grandmother's death, she'd be consoling us, with all her heart, especially because she knows we loved gizmo and she did to. NOT AT ALL -- this shows someones' true character. She wrote my mom back blaming/criticizing her. I mean, what kind of person does that?!?! My mom wrote me this morning saying 'I no longer have a sister, nor you an aunt. Do not communicate with her. Its over, it ends today. Let's let Gizmo go in peace.' - atleast something along those lines and I just cannot believe I'm related to someone like her. You know how badly I want to give her a piece of my mind? That just disgusts me.And to think, she's the last connectoin I have on my mom's side of the family. Her only sibling. Of course I have a cousin, cousin's wife, cousin's daughter that I'd love to stay in touch with, but I guess thats not possible now. Who knows what will happen? I just hope we get through this time ok.

People these days. . . . . . they can surely surprise you
Thursday, June 15, 2006

Rules for a lasting relationship

I can't take credit for writing this, no way, but I found it on my friend Candice's page, and she found it thru someone else so whoever wrote, god bless ya! :)

Ok, I definitely can't take credit for writing this. I saw it on someone elses page & thought it's something everybody who cares anything about having a healthy & strong future with someone should read. So I jacked it from no I "borrowed" it lol Pass it along & post it yourself, its really good!If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self- esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important
.Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail, cell phone or send a nice email.Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion