Thursday, May 29, 2008

23 & A New Found Independence

I'm now 23, and more so than ever, a completely new found woman. I've gone on and on about all these changes I've made within myself and that I've been experiencing, yet, if I don't actually show those through my actions, they get me nowhere with certain people. Actions speak louder than just saying what you've gained and what you feel.

I have realized much more about myself living on my own, and becoming more independent from my parents everyday, and it's an amazing feeling when you're becoming strong on your own, and feel you can do anything and accomplish anything that comes your way.

The summer is here, and although I just used up some of my vacation time to enjoy a nice relaxing birthday, I am craving to take another vacation again......who knew? I've been wanting to go back to Disney World for some time now, and I may actually start budgeting my $$ better and look into prices, accomodations and see if a possible trip later this year is even an option for me.

June is almost here, and, I can't wait......yet, in a few weeks, my supervisor leaves, and that's what I am dreading. She's the main reason I have stayed at my current job, and when she leaves, I'm not sure where the department will be heading.....I'll be taking on more responsibility and, I'm not sure who will be replacing her. I have actually been working full-time there since the end of August, and I've definitely liked everything how it was. Once I heard she was leaving, I wanted to leave when she was as well...just because she's been the POSITIVE thing keeping me around there. If she were staying there'd be no question about my staying there for awhile longer.

I feel bored with Charlotte to be honest with you. I've actually considered moving out of Charlotte come next year once my lease is up here. I probably will stay at my current job through then just because I'll be surely able to afford this place through then, plus, the benefits and paid sick/vacation leave, and holiday benefits are awesome. I'm hoping we either get extra vacation time come July (or later since STATE IS SLOW) or a raise this year. Last year they got the highest raise they'd seen yet, so more than likely it'll be vacation time they're telling me, and I definitley need that, so *cross your fingers for me!*

It's 12:40am and if I expect to wake up on time tomorrow, I should be hitting the hay. Two more days of work this week, then it'll be the weekend and I'll get to sleep in
Sunday, May 25, 2008

No Worries

It has been awhile since I have really hung out with friends, with no worries in my head or flying across my mind consistently. All of my friends can read my body language, or read how I am very easily. I guess I can't hide my emotions as easily as I thought I could.

My birthday has been a changing one, and although it felt like it was nothing special I definitely have experienced a great sense of relief with my time off work, and spending these days with close friends, especially one that I feel closest to right now.

It's a great feeling when you tell someone that you will miss them when they're getting ready to leave on a 3 week vacation, although I know 3 weeks isn't 'forever' but when you see this person every week and talk to them everyday, it's going to be a little break for the two of you and, and after you tell them that they smile and like that feeling that you'll miss them, it makes me feel good. Knowing I'll miss them and they'll miss me is a great feeling. It will be good for us, but things have changed between us as of most lately the past week so it's a good time for us to just take some space and enjoy time away from eachother, so we don't lose what we have going on between us.
Friday, May 23, 2008

Revamped

How many times will I tell myself that I won't remain unreliable to a certain someone, and will prove him wrong, no matter what? This time I have to stick to it because it's the only option I've got. Unexpectedly, I had a serious conversation with this individual the other night. He took one of my 'jokes' the wrong way and took it seriously and then for the next few hours we were talking about everything and at the end of the conversation, I felt like I had all my questions answered and I felt revamped, like no worries remained and I had tons lifted off my shoulders.

I'm 23 now. May 22nd was my birthday and on the 21st he came down after that serious talk and we had some of the most fun we've had in awhile I believe. Even though he left the morning of my birthday I was so happy he came down and spent that night with me. It was definitely needed. I think it was a great start to a new perspective I'm taking with our relationship. We have become so close after hanging out this time around, and I can't lose that; I won't lose it.We may never be officially together or end up together in the end, but our relationship is very special and it means a lot to both of us.

Possible Disney World trip in our future? We both mentioned really wanting to go and he mentioned us just going, but I have to take into consideration vacation time PLUS $$ being saved up. I'd love to go with him though; it'd be so much fun!!
Saturday, May 3, 2008

Routines

Everything will be alright. Everything is how it should be, atleast that's how I feel for the moment. Why mess with that? Why force something that's not meant to be?

This past week has definitely been one that I can say I've overcome a lot of emotions; I've broken down and built myself back up and I feel stronger than ever before.

Routines wear themselves out and when you change them, it can be quite an adjustment, but you get through it, and can surprise yourself.