Monday, May 25, 2009

Feeling Stuck With No Way Out

Usually, I can keep my tongue held tight, and only vent to friends and family about this, but it's time for a blog about it. Here goes nothin.....

Have you ever had a job that you disliked so much that it brought your mentality down, affected the rest of your life, and made you unhappy? I'm in that position right now, and, with the way the economy is, there's nothing I can really do about it. I could take unpaid time off, but I need the money to keep on track with bills and whatnot. So I'm stuck.

I know once I leave here, whenever that will be, I have a 'savings' account aka retirement fund that has been adding up over the time I've been here that I'm not allowed to touch until I leave this state job. It's a nice little cushion, but nothing I could live off forever. I'm really waiting on a position with my family's new company that's still in the beginning stages, but things look promising, and things seem to be moving along at a good pace. I told myself a year ago I wanted out of this place and yet I'm still here. I've been applying to places here and there, venting to people that I have good relationships with along the way, venting, and venting and venting it seems. I can't vent enough.

I'm in a position where I can't talk with anyone in my department otherwise it will look very bad on me, giving them a poor impression of me I feel, yet I feel talking to someone in Employee Relations or the Counseling Center will pretty much get me nowhere, just more venting. I don't have tons of sick or vacation time saved up, plus I have a few obligations I've already committed to in the next few months where I will be earning just enough time for those events, so I couldn't take a random vacation here soon because then I'd have to take UNPAID time off for those upcoming things, or that little random vacation away from everything.

I know this is probably a bunch of random jumbled things together, but writing about these kinds of things helps me to focus. And, right now, my job is something really holding me back from being happy, which means it's time to get out. But where do I go? And when? And how do I cope for the time being?