tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69022990913039331842024-03-13T10:27:43.302-07:00Lee's BlogBlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.comBlogger90125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-20503624115649520582010-03-16T06:10:00.001-07:002010-03-16T06:12:32.437-07:00Blogging CommunityI have missed blogging on MySpace since I know so many more people out there, plus I know how to do more editing on there much easier to me. <br /><br />I hate that I don't have many followers/friends on this community, but I'd like to earn more. I wish my blog could be pimped out or shared. I think more older people are on this community than those on MySpace. I want to try to keep both going so I may just write one blog and post it everywhere for everyone to see, but I haven't decided yet.<br /><br />I just made a new MySpace for blogging friends only so I wouldn't offend family/friends on the personal myspace. On my personal myspace I just post my articles I wrtie for Examiner.com, so they're safe and non offensiev and everyone can read them because they're published works of mine. Send me your thougths on what i shoudl do. I haev a myspace for my examiner.com audience, personal myspace, blogging myspace, adn then this site.<br /><br />Which should I toss/throw away, and update, or should I just update them all the same?BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-16479035874648632452010-02-11T05:43:00.000-08:002010-02-11T05:51:23.449-08:00Valentine's WeekendEveryone is posting about all of their ideas for Valentine's Day and unfortunately, I don't know if my boyfriend continues catching up on my blogs or not. I haven't informed him of writing any more and he may not but I'm going to hope he doesn't because usually he mentions reading up on what I write (at least for the articles I write with Examiner.com , but this site, I hope he's forgotten about).<br /><br />Last year I didn't think he cared too much for valentine's Day becuase on the morning of, he finally got money and was able to go out and buy my gifts; I had an idea of what it was going to consist of because he wasn't good at keeping secrets/surprises to himself haha. (he's better now) but, he got me a gift pertaining to each of my senses, it was really nice; and extra stuff as well. I felt bad because he was tight on money, and didn't know how much he'd get whenever, he was mainly on unemployment. I didn't require him to get me anything but I didn't spend much but made him something (see my last blog). <br /><br />This year, he had things planned out ahead of time, whereas I was straining thinking up til the last minute what to do for him. I've made him stuff in the past, and Valentine's Day is our romantic holiday; and so is our anniversary but it's different. To me, the anniversary is more important but V-Day is semi-important. It happens to fall on a Sunday this year so it's our weekend.<br /><br />Coincidentally my friend Lauren wants to hang out friday (there's a slight chance those may be changed to today so it'd be the full weekend at home with him, but who knows, I'm still waiting to hear back from her) but he got upset when I made plans for friday, even though he had plans he could partake in as well. This is when I realized he LOVED Valentine's Day and was absolutely looking forward to it this year. Last year I thought he just bought those gifts at the last min. because he felt he needed to to fulfill the ritual for Valentine's Day for couples. This is only our 2nd together so I'm not expecting a ring, and everyone joked about him getting me one but hell, I don't want a ring haha. Not yet anyways. Down the road maybe. We haven't even been together a full 2 years yet. For me, I'm fine for now :) I still love him though.<br /><br />I've got a great idea planned that I found online, yes, but it's original and unique and fits us perfectly, so I'm going to attempt in doing this. :) If curious, send me a message or comment or email me (lee.t.griffin@gmail.com) - I'm a bit nervous about posting my idea(s) on here by chance he comes across it and decides to update himself on all my blog postings :)<br /><br />We have decided to make a weekend out of it and spend it together. We'll do different things like dinner, talking, cherishing our love, etc. but he makes a point to do that a lot these days. . . V-Day just proclaims it a lot more I think. <br /><br />We have had a rough patch for awhile struggling with things around the house, and, our relationship in general about where it's going, and where we are in our lives individually, so Valentine's Day seems to be coming in perfect timing for us.BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-14632621435570781362010-02-04T07:26:00.001-08:002010-02-04T07:41:48.311-08:00Valentine's for HimStephanie Faris aka Steph In The City (http://stephie5741.blogspot.com/2010/02/valentines-day-for-him.html) posted a Group Blog for Thursday and, I had to respond.<br /><br />This will be the 2nd Valentine's Day for my boyfriend, Mike, and I, and, like many couples, or maybe unlike many couples, we've discussed the holiday. Last year we did the cheesey first valentine's Day stuff. The day of he surprised me with different little gifts representing my favorite scent, favorite color, favorite animal, favorite taste, etc. several things consisting of that. He absolutely loved doing it. <br /><br />He said "what am i gonna do this year?? I've never been with someone I actually cared about this long" haha. Of course, this was funny to me. <br /><br />This year seemed like a challenge for him. He'd never really been with someone this long that meant so much to him; he'd always done the 1st Valentine's with a girlfriend, but never a 2nd. He is not one big on surprises, he can't hold them to himself, so he told me, I want to take you to Joe (this hair stylist he used to go to, yes he's a bit of a metro when it comes to his hair, or at least used to be before me), but I've always wanted to get my hair done by Joe but he was always too expensive - he's definitely gay, and, I met him once, but he has a very nice salon, and does national shows and whatnot. He knows what he's doing. I've always been a bit of a cheap skate. <br /><br />Me, on the other hand, have absolutely no clue as to what to get for him. My boyfriend is very simple, and, he doesn't ask for much, doesn't care for much. Although, last year I bought a styrofoam frame (I guess that's what you'd call the material) but it was all blank. I got a great picture I love of us enlarged, and i put it in the frame, and, it was on the left side, so all on the right side all in the blank space I wrote every which way reasons why I loved him. I got the idea from somewhere I can't remember but I wrote all kinds of things that incorporated memories, and reasons why I loved him. I thought it was pretty good :) He loved it. I put little red syrofoam hearts on the corners of the picture too. A couple fell off but it's the thought that counts right? I think I wrote him a letter to go along with it. He loves my letters. I wrote him one for the first time I celebrated his birthday with him in 08 and, I was really the only one who made a point to get him anything ( long story there ) plus I had just gotten out of the hospital and so it meant a lot to him, esp it being the first without his mom around. There was a lot that happened with us that many people don't experience so young but he has but I've at least been right there with him. <br /><br />Back on track with Valentine's Day, I'm clueless for what to get him this year. <br />I like doing unique things for people, not worried about pricey things but simple, and romantic and unique. Any ideas anyone??<br /><br />I've made mix CDs for him in the past, written letters, did that frame thingy last year. Now where's my creativity gone???? ahh!! And it's 10 days away! He's got my gift already planned out and I know what I'm getting, but for him? Dang.<br /><br />Thoughts are just going out to dinner but we do that anyways but to Golden Corrall (one of his favorite restaurants, but I can't stand it because I don't really like buffets because I pay more than what I usually eat plus I like more private dinner area places, call me picky) but anyways, I thought about taking him there because I never will go with him and it'll be a treat for him because he's been wanting to go forever. That's one small idea. any others ?? :) We're still young, and not married yet so nothing too drastic but still, I'd like any feedback if possible.BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-58856427927929145752010-02-04T07:02:00.000-08:002010-02-04T07:03:29.513-08:00SITS<a href="http://thesitsgirls.com/"> <img src="http://i515.photobucket.com/albums/t357/sitsgirls/SS_150x150_button.png" source="blank"/></a>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-61636003262030500682010-01-26T21:19:00.001-08:002010-01-26T21:19:11.679-08:00High School to College Transition<a href=http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-32637-Charlotte-Teen-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m1d27-High-School-to-College-Transition>High School to College Transition</a><br /><br />Posted using <a href="http://sharethis.com">ShareThis</a>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-7146398151977405872010-01-21T14:57:00.001-08:002010-01-21T14:57:53.088-08:00Aziz Ansari<object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://widgets.clearspring.com/o/4b43584610b85392/4b475cfb29243eca/4b435a0494f80f1b/e12e2428" id="W4b43584610b853924b475cfb29243eca" width="431" height="500"><param name="movie" value="http://widgets.clearspring.com/o/4b43584610b85392/4b475cfb29243eca/4b435a0494f80f1b/e12e2428" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="allowNetworking" value="all" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /></object>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-41589256471927948732010-01-02T21:06:00.001-08:002010-01-02T21:06:27.682-08:00New Year bringing about changes in relationships<a href=http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-32637-Charlotte-Teen-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m12d30-Get-out-of-a-bad-relationship--tips-for-breakups-resources-for-domestic-violenceassault>New Year bringing about changes in relationships</a><br /><br />Posted using <a href="http://sharethis.com">ShareThis</a>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-83323266057424326462010-01-02T21:04:00.003-08:002010-01-02T21:04:47.919-08:00How to balance control in a relationship<a href=http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-32637-Charlotte-Teen-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m12d23-How-to-balance-control-in-a-relationship>How to balance control in a relationship</a><br /><br />Posted using <a href="http://sharethis.com">ShareThis</a>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-13124965283157168712010-01-02T21:04:00.001-08:002010-01-02T21:04:10.176-08:00Baggage not welcome<a href=http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-32637-Charlotte-Teen-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m12d22-Baggage-not-welcome>Baggage not welcome</a><br /><br />Posted using <a href="http://sharethis.com">ShareThis</a>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-46066420888556265552009-12-21T09:44:00.001-08:002009-12-21T09:44:14.244-08:00PayPerPostWe know you want a bolder paper personBlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-55129446111164238492009-12-14T09:07:00.001-08:002009-12-14T09:07:17.569-08:00The approval<a href=http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-32637-Charlotte-Teen-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m12d11-The-approval>The approval</a><br /><br />Posted using <a href="http://sharethis.com">ShareThis</a>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-28059912235563642732009-11-10T21:09:00.000-08:002009-11-10T21:13:16.585-08:00Synner Nation - Dane Cook Campaign<img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNTc5MTYwODA1NjcmcHQ9MTI1NzkxNjA4MjY2NyZwPTI3MDgxJmQ9dGhpcmRfcGFydHlfd2lkZ2V*X2ZpcnN*X2dlbiZnPTEmbz1lNzA5OGJkNDg*YmI*ZGNmOTljYjBlZDIyMDJmYWE5MyZvZj*w.gif" /><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://widgets.clearspring.com/o/4aef0750284ff34e/4af1b89f74b0c5f3/4aef08a9d9983510/675f2db7" id="W4aef0750284ff34e4af1b89f74b0c5f3" width="430" height="500"><param name="movie" value="http://widgets.clearspring.com/o/4aef0750284ff34e/4af1b89f74b0c5f3/4aef08a9d9983510/675f2db7" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="allowNetworking" value="all" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /></object><img src="http://www.reverbnation.com/c./a9/5521/15281/Label/349735/Fan/MissionsAgent_41159/res.gif" border="0" height="0" width="0" style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" /><br /><br /><BR><BR> <br /><br />Today I am posting a blog on behalf of my favorite comedian, Dane Cook.<br /><br />He has come a long way and worked hard to where he's gotten today.<br /><br />I had the pleasure of seeing Mr. Dane Cook back in July in Columbia, SC. I finally got the nerve to purchase tickets to see him, and take my boyfriend with me, because he is my absolute favorite comedian. I missed him the past few times he was actually in town and so I couldn't pass up another chance. This was the closest place he was coming to me so I drove (or my boyfriend drove) 1.5 hours away. It just so happened on the way down there, we are informed of Michael Jackson's death. Everyone was talking about it in line, and some other interesting things happened in line, but then onto the show. <br /><br />I was not let down. It was a lot smaller of a venue than I imagined, and I enjoyed the closeness everyone felt there. I didn't feel like I was in Madison Square Garden (although i'm sure that'd be quite an experience, one I hope to have someday), but I enjoyed not feeling so far off from someone I admired so and had followed so much. I felt like we were just in a comedy club like his old days. I know this was the purpose of the isolated incident tour but, I still make a point to share with people that experience. <br /><br />The DVD is out and you should all check it out and you won't be let down. Not only does Dane Cook do comedy, but he's working with his own production company, and I'm sure you've seen him in his movies like Mr. Brooks, Employee of the Month and My Best Friend's Girl (my favorite!)<br /><br /><BR><BR><br /><br /><img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNTc5MTYwODA1NjcmcHQ9MTI1NzkxNjA4MjY2NyZwPTI3MDgxJmQ9dGhpcmRfcGFydHlfd2lkZ2V*X2ZpcnN*X2dlbiZnPTEmbz1lNzA5OGJkNDg*YmI*ZGNmOTljYjBlZDIyMDJmYWE5MyZvZj*w.gif" /><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://widgets.clearspring.com/o/4aef0750284ff34e/4af1b89f74b0c5f3/4aef08a9d9983510/675f2db7" id="W4aef0750284ff34e4af1b89f74b0c5f3" width="430" height="500"><param name="movie" value="http://widgets.clearspring.com/o/4aef0750284ff34e/4af1b89f74b0c5f3/4aef08a9d9983510/675f2db7" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="allowNetworking" value="all" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /></object><img src="http://www.reverbnation.com/c./a9/5521/15281/Label/349735/Fan/MissionsAgent_41159/res.gif" border="0" height="0" width="0" style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" />BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-41276857808715240772009-10-23T07:22:00.000-07:002009-10-23T08:40:16.596-07:00InvestmentI have not been posting on this blog or my myspace blog for awhile because I have been particular about what I've been writing about lately. I felt like it was useless because I had maybe one reader and that was it, but I'm hoping to gain more as time goes on, and as I learn to use Google's Blogger better and get more familiar with everything it entails.<br /><br />I'm 24, full-time receptionist at the college I graduated from 2+ years ago, and, my degree is not really being used right now, and I have passions in music, entertainment, and photography. What am I doing with it currently? NOTHING. SQUAT. ZIP. I don't have the money to put into a professional or let alone regular digital camera unless I want to wipe out my bank account pretty much, and, I'm trying to put some money away here and there from a part time job I have but it's only a little bit every couple of weeks. It's something, I know, but doesn't seem to be adding up to enough. That's something I've always enjoyed doing, and the thrill of it excites me all the time when I see people with new and better cameras than I've ever had and want.<br /><br />Another consideration I'm thinking about that I've visited before and threw out the window, was a Master's in Entertainment Music through Full Sail University. It'd be long-distance, online and less than two years, based on how hard I work at it, and how much I get accomplished, and of course how well I 'get' everything, right?<br /><br />Last night I attended a HANSON concert, yes the girly-boy band everyone has talked about since their appearance in 1997. I've loved them ever since I saw them on the Rosie O Donnell show and saw them live shortly after downtown Charlotte, NC. They played at Amos' last night where they pretty much have come the past couple of years, and will revisit next year when their new album is released :) I'm so excited for the next time I see them live. I saw old faces, and revisited old times with people since everyone there has followed them since the beginning. It made me feel young again, and although I felt extremely stressed at the start of yesterday, I felt carefree and happy, and young by the end of the night. It made me realize what I'd been missing, something to make me happy and feel accomplished and passionate about. Music does that for me.<br /><br /><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/hanson%20logo" target="_blank"><img src="http://i600.photobucket.com/albums/tt81/hansonisthere/0001.jpg" border="0" alt="xoxoxo Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/hanson%20use%20your%20sole%20tour" target="_blank"><img src="http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y214/drummergirl24/Hanson%20in%20Charlotte%2010-22-09/tour_flyer.jpg" border="0" alt="Use Your Sole Tour flyer Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a><br /><br />The day before, I had received a job offer for a teller position at a credit union about 20 min. from where I live. Right now, I commute about an hour to a receptionist job, mostly because I moved away after having it to get out of the main city I was from. I felt confined and wanted a change. I pay $400/month on a month to month lease and I love my house, my boyfriend whom I live with, and my 2 dogs Ava and Cujo. Great, sweet dogs, big babies really. If only it were closer to my job, it'd be PERFECT. But it's not. Of course, I'm also experiencing issues with my supervisor, and although it's just her management style, it still irks me. Anyways, I'm rambling.<br /><br />I got this offer and it was a great opportunity, but I wasn't exactly thrilled about getting it, much to my surprise because I have been complaining about my place of work for awhile now. Through the interviewing process (just one interview), the guy I interviewed with was nice, and everything, but I think I made myself believe i wanted to be in the banking industry, when I really just wanted a way to get out of my job (which is not as bad as I was thinking of course). I questioned the guy about different perks and they were much better where I'm at now. I had doubts in me ever since I got the offer. And that told me I shouldn't take it. Although i was excited to have an 'out' of this job, I couldn't do it. I was looking at all the negatives of my job before, but now see all the more positive out of it. I have so much flying through my mind, it's insane, and I know if I leave this job, it has to be for something I'm sure I want and am passionate about. Not just to find another job that pays the bills that might make me miserable in the long run ya know?And I was going back and forth the pros and cons of staying/leaving, and I don't regret my decision to turn down the offer. I know it was the right thing for me to do. I then told a couple of my friends to apply to teller positions since they're interviewing a lot and needing more people.<br /><br />Now moving on to the next step of my life...I'm not going to just keep applying to jobs and treating it like a game. I didn't mean to treat it like one and never intended on doing that, but I guess I was. Sorry people out there that dont like me for that.<br /><br />Sometimes I wonder what happened to those things I was so passionate about, but let go of. Instead of just being desperate and looking for just any kind of job like the oneI have now, I have to really strive for something better. Better than what I think I deserve at times. Better than I can imagine. Sometimes I don't think I've done what I could have while I was in college, and I need to fix that. If that means going into debt getting a better education, then that's a good investment. If it's spending my savings on something that will make me happier, then I guess I should do that? I don't know. I go back and forth with what's right, what's the correct way of doing things, and then I get stuck again. <br /><br />Sometimes I don't feel I have the strength to move, to change jobs, to invest in something new that would make me happier all around. I question everything. <br /><br />It was really good seeing some old familiar faces. Ones from high school I used to be close to that I'd drifted apart from, but we still keep in touch from time to time. I see how successful they've been with passions they've found, in jobs they have, and, then I look at myself and think, "What am I doing with my life?" Am I just waiting for my life to pass me by? I'm not doing anything about my passions, well I thought I was, but I need to try harder than I ever have. And, hopefully that gets me somewhere closer. All I can do is hope.<br /><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/hope" target="_blank"><img alt="hope. Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x155/madlittlebair/thhope.png" border="0" /></a></div>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-21002661047727824512009-10-09T06:03:00.000-07:002009-10-09T06:49:10.899-07:00The Google Game - GBTThe following is again, a response to Group Blog Thursday.<br />I understand I'm posting this on Friday morning, but I didn't get around to it yesterday, so spare me :)<br /><br /><div align="center">1. Your Favorite beverage:</div><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/cheerwine" target="_blank"><img alt="Cheerwine Ad Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn221/MissKookie1988/NC2.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">The picture tells it all. Many people may have never heard of this. Even my supervisor's kids (from Arkansas) discovered this when they moved here, and LOVED IT so she had to bring them some from good ole North Carolina when visiting them in Arkansas where they attend college. I forget it's just a local thing sometimes.</div><div align="center"><br />2. Your hometown: </div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/matthews%20north%20carolina" target="_blank"><img alt="Downtown Matthews Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg240/diggi020/North%20Carolina/July4th024.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">One side of main street.</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/matthews%20north%20carolina" target="_blank"><img alt="Downtown Matthews Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg240/diggi020/North%20Carolina/July4th023.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">The other side of main street.</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">I grew up in Matthews, NC. It's 20-30 min. outside of Charlotte, NC (The Queen City). I lived there from age 5-18 when I moved to Charlotte to attend college. I lived in Greenville, SC and Colorado Springs, CO before that, but Matthews will always be my true home. It's all I've really ever known. </div><div align="center"><br />3. Your favorite TV show:</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/one%20tree%20hill" target="_blank"><img alt="One Tree Hill Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i699.photobucket.com/albums/vv351/Tylers_Girl_4eva/Shows/Onetreehill.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">One Tree Hill is in its 7th season. Of course, it's drastically changed this year, eliminating two of its original and most popular characters but still doing extremely well for a show of its nature and the risks the cast/crew have taken in changing the show to not just follow in every other show's footsteps. I'm pretty impressed, and thoroughly addicted!</div><div align="center"><br />4. Your Occupation/You are in school for:</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">I do this: </div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/office%20work" target="_blank"><img src="http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb4/mimiwold/IMG00418.jpg" border="0" alt="Office at work Pictures, Images and Photos" /></a></div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">I'm an office assistant/receptionist/secretary; always have a smile on my face; answer phones; multi-task......assist the entire department pretty much. I'm so lucky....(*catch the sarcasm there?*)</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">I went to college for this:</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/epic%20logo" target="_blank"><img alt="Epic Logo Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i258.photobucket.com/albums/hh279/georgiaboy82001/epic_logo.gif" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">Epic Records.</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">Just an example of who I'd want to work for - a music company. I LOVE MUSIC!</div><div align="center">But I'm doing clerical work, so I can't let that interfere with my dream. It's a paycheck.</div><div align="center"><br />5. Your first car:</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/honda%20civic%202000" target="_blank"><img alt="SUNP0057 A Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/bridgettegivens/2000%20Honda%20Civic/6e86.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/honda%20civic%202000" target="_blank"><img alt="SUNP0056 A Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h159/bridgettegivens/2000%20Honda%20Civic/6257.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">2000 Honda Civic. </div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">Of course, in the time I've been driving it, it's been through quite a bit, but it looks like this again, now, with hail dents all on it in random places (unexpected tornado-like storm - no warning) ....also no garage/cover. Lucky me. After my parents spent $4500-5000 fixing it up, then comes the freakin hail 6 months later. FML.</div><div align="center"><br />6. Your favorite dish:</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/toppers%20pizza" target="_blank"><img alt="Toppers pizza OPENING DAY!!! Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f167/jrodburger024/topperspic.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">Topper's Pizza - BBQ Topper. This pizza is like DESSERT for me. I fill up so fast, but this I could practically scarf down the entire pizza. No kidding. "The Best GD pizza in the whole world!" (as I quoted to my boyfriend....and he reitterates back to me from time to time in a humouristic way) - is that even a word? :)</div><div align="center"><br />7. Celebrity you've been told to resemble:</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/allyson%20hannigan" target="_blank"><img src="http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z310/pavago81/Allyson%20Hannigan/Aly12.jpg" border="0" alt="Allyson Hannigan12 Pictures, Images and Photos" /></a></div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">Allyson Hannigan. Or is it Allison Hannigan.</div><div align="center">Either way, regardless, multiple people have told me I look like her, although I have brown hair, she has red. If I died my hair red, I'd look like her. Not so much sure in this shot though. It was just the first picture I found that was suitable for my blog.</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">8. Celebrity on your "to do" list:</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/christian%20bale" target="_blank"><img alt="Christian Bale Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h319/phantomlikegirl/Christian%20Bale/christianbale7.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">Good ole Christian Bale. Been a fan since NEWSIES. (If you haven't seen it, check it out. The first movie I ever saw him in. Fell for him then.) I'm glad someone finally caught him and blew him up in this big well known guy as BATMAN but I've known of him since I was like 7....ahh my celebrity crush. </div><div align="center"><br />9. Favorite Childhood toy:</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/little%20tikes%20car" target="_blank"><img alt="$40 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe car Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n91/01jenna/SOLD/robeez039.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">My Little Tikes Car. I still remember fighting over this with my little brother. It was my gift when we lived in Colorado Springs, CO, and, I absolutley LOVED it. </div><div align="center">I think that was my first Little Tikes toy in general. I loved and wanted a lot of Little Tikes things. I can't believe how much they've even changed this old designed car, and to all the options they have for kids these days in toys. . . I'm jealous!</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">10. Any Random picture:</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/funny%20animals" target="_blank"><img alt="funny animals Pictures, Images and Photos" src="http://i0006.photobucket.com/albums/0006/findstuff22/Best%20Images/Funny/FUNNY-THUMB.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">In noticing the picture, hey it's a Corgi! Cute dogs. </div>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-33715356194991381722009-09-24T06:15:00.000-07:002009-09-24T06:49:42.188-07:00Dear Lee 2003 (GBT)Funny how I've only responded the past time or two to GROUP BLOG THURSDAYS :)<br /><br />Anyways, I have to be in a certain mindset to write these days, and you caught me on one of those mornings.<br /><br />Dear Lee 2003 -<br /><br />You've heard the same kind of graduation speech for the past 3 years, having to attend every other graduation ceremony during your high school years since it counts as a final exam grade in band class. It finally hits you, after all the buildup to this day, that you won't see the same faces in one room ever again. This is the last time things will be normal, in a sense. Everyone is expected to graduate high school. From here on out, everyone has their own unique life. Some will go on to college, some will work at the same job they have for a few years now, and be satisfied with that.<br /><br />It's hard to really feel that until you leave this room, and see all the goodbyes' being had, hugs given, pictures taken. It won't fully hit you until August rolls around, and, you're in a whole new environment with unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar settings. You'll be in college, with completely new people, a new start for you. As scary as that might feel now, and as homesick as you might be, it will be a huge adjustment. You'll get through it and learn to love it more than you ever thought you could.<br /><br />Many of the people in the room you're in you may not have even said one word to. You know of each other, you know each other's names, seen each other around. It doesn't make you friends, but makes you classmates. This is your class of 2003 of David W. Butler High School. This is probably how you'll be remembered to everyone else in the room. Unless by chance, you stay in touch with those you hold close. Who knows, you could reconnect with someone or some people in this room years to come, and become the best of friends with someone you share some bit of past with. Might be interesting.<br /><br />You might have thought you found love once. You didn't. You thought you did because that was the closest relationship with a guy you'd ever had. Many more will come, and you'll have to start being picky. You can't be nice to everyone, and you can't give everyone a chance. Be choosy. Don't rush into anything you're unsure about. If you have doubts, listen to what your heart is telling yourself, and back off, and take some time for yourself. Just because everyone around you may be in a relationship doesn't mean you have to be as well. You don't have to always follow the crowd. Listen to YOUR heart. Not everyone's heart reads or feels the same.<br /><br />You will definitely feel lost at times, only to look to those close by you, your loved ones, for the answers and guide to the right way. You'll find it. It might take more time than you planned, but the right answer will find you to what you should do.<br /><br />A craving for leaving the only town you've really ever known will come upon you, and maybe you will please that craving, maybe you won't. No matter what, know everyone will support you in whatever you decide to do.<br /><br />Friends come and go. Not everyone stays friends forever. You can't hold onto the past as if people don't change because they do, and not only do people change, but situations change as well. You aren't guaranteed to have all the friends in the world. And no matter what you do, not everyone will like you, not everyone will forgive you for things you did in your past. Some people hold grudges forever. You can't control what everyone will do, think, or feel.<br /><br />Just be yourself, and be true to yourself. Don't let someone else control you. Live YOUR life the way YOU choose to and want to. That's all that matters.BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-72247689109487340072009-09-17T11:04:00.000-07:002009-09-17T11:10:15.040-07:00Loving A Blogger (GBT)Stephanie is my role model when it comes to blogging. I love reading hers, getting those email notifications in my box, and it's something I look forward to doing every morning, or every time I check my email for the first time, which is 2:05 pm since I was in bed sick all morning til now. Lucky me.<br /><br />I haven't been writing blogs lately, and that saddens me, but she's the only one really following me on here, so who knows who else has found me by now.<br /><br />I used to be on MySpace but then a member of my family got offended by something I wrote, the only family member that read my blogs, so I stopped. It pushed me away from there and to here.<br /><br />In response to Stephanie's blog, I live with my boyfriend. He used to read all of my blogs until I changed over to here. And then I told him I changed over to here. I had nothing to hide. He read the times I mentioned him and he was like "wow you speak so highly of me" and I was like well, I love you and I'm with you, and I'm always going to think highly of you while I'm still here with you. If I don't admire you or don't think that way of you, why would I be with you, you know? That was his initial reaction when he'd read blogs about himself. I think he was curious to read about my blogs because at the time I had ex's who were coming in and out of my life, and now they're gone. Well the toxic ones at that. The others that have truly been friends, and nothing more, may talk to me on occassion but it's nothing that's going to affect our relationship. He doesn't feel threatened. And I think that's why he doesn't care what I blog about, he doesn't care because its somethingI feel I want and need to do to vent and release the energy I have inside of me.<br /><br />I want to blog more but sometimes I'm not sure what all to share on here. But I'm honest about my blogs with my significant other and I feel he deserves being talked about from time to time, butI try not to all the time, it might be boring for my readers (whatever readers I have) :)BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-71054611249501624652009-09-02T10:28:00.000-07:002009-09-02T10:35:11.834-07:00A True GeminiA recent conversation with my mother (oh yes, of the many), made me realize that I'm true to my astrological sign, Gemini. - I like change a LOT. I used to rearrange my bedroom at home a lot, and, I have started many projects and have yet to finish them, like scrapbooking. I've gone through different phases of 'cravings' and don't end up finishing them, but work at them bit by bit over a period of time. Nothing wrong with that now, is there?<br /><br />Lately I've been conflicted with a lot of different issues going on in my life:<br />-dermatillomania<br />-parents having issues with my boyfriend<br />-where i live<br />-my job<br />-finances<br />-career interests<br /><br />The first is an issue I discovered today, which describes something I'm going through. If interested, you can google it and read all about it.<br /><br />Second, is one I've always had for over a year now since I began dating Mike. I'm sure you've read other blogs of mine relating to the issue, so I won't be repetitive.<br /><br />Third, my last blog explained why I'd like to move, and everything surrounding that.<br /><br />Fourth, earlier posts explain how unhappy I am with my job, but I just passed the 2 year mark here, so I get more vacation time per month. By Christmas I could have a week saved up, but how to use it (if I don't use any before then?) hmmmm I also have sick time too. So maybe a doctors appt will come up here and then, who knows :)<br /><br />Fifth, finances are always an issue. I'm trying to stress less over it, and Mike's working as many hours as he can now, so he is trying to get his finances in order as well.<br /><br />Sixth, and last, career interests. I've recently got this grand interest in photography, and I've decided I need to build up my portfolio and start shooting again, but since I only have a manual camera (and everything has gone digital now)....i'll need a new camera. For the time being, up until I save enough for my own, I've asked around, and gotten lucky with finding someone with a really nice one that I could use, and use photoshop to touch up and get some shoots in for some examples, and gain more experience working with digital and photoshop. I'll have to do free things here and there, build up my shots, and make a website displaying them all but it's definitely something I'd love to get involved with and I'm taking the first steps towards it. :) I'm excited.BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-79849420964269254902009-08-14T05:32:00.000-07:002009-08-14T05:35:30.432-07:00Unplanned LifeChanging up the font every once in awhile makes things interesting, don't you think? I have been kind of MIA in blog postings lately, not just on here. I miss all the comments I used to get from friends on here, but, I'm going to try to start writing more often again. I kind of went away because a lot that was on my mind I really couldn't express via blog. It was all wrapped up in my head.<br /><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/life%20quote" target="_blank"><img src="http://i358.photobucket.com/albums/oo28/Artful_S/quotes/life-quotes-15.jpg" border="0" alt="Your life is waiting Pictures, Images and Photos" /></a></div><br /><a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29tL2ltYWdlcy9tYXJpbHluJTIwbW9ucm9lJTIwcXVvdGU=" target="_blank" mce_href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29tL2ltYWdlcy9tYXJpbHluJTIwbW9ucm9lJTIwcXVvdGU="></a>The past 4 months I have been living in a city that shall not be named, but, it's opposite from what I grew up in. It's country vs. city. I felt like I needed to leave the city in order to really figure out what was best for me. The city felt like it was confining me and I felt consumed in it all. I worked and lived within a mile of each other, and I felt like I wasn't really going anywhere, then I moved back home, and, it helped me pay off some medical bills, save some money, but I felt overwhelmed living back home with my parents again. Of course, many people went back home with the parents once graduating college to save up money, but I got a full time job shortly after and only was back at home for a few months before finding my own place and I've lived out on my own ever since. I missed the freedom I felt living on my own and having total and complete control of my life.<br /><br />I've been renting this house for $400, 2 br/1 ba and a nice yard/deck/porch. I love it, but if only it were closer to my friends, family and workplace. That is why I've come down to the decision to start looking for places closer and in the city I left months ago. I've gotten homesick and although getting away from the city has helped me in lots of ways, it's also hindered me in others. Its allowed me to realize whats most important to me, and it challenged me in lots of other ways pertaining to family, friends, and everything with my life in general. Also, I have never seen so many horses, cows, other farm animals, or bails of hay in my entire life like I have in these past few months. I actually pet my first horse over a month ago. I've always loved watching horses gallop and whatnot, and I was amazed at petting one! Yeah.....I'm definitely a city girl.<br /><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/city%20girl" target="_blank"><img src="http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s170/Mickey254_16/city-girl.png" border="0" alt="City Pictures, Images and Photos" /></a></div><br /><a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29tL2ltYWdlcy9jaXR5JTIwZ2lybA==" target="_blank" mce_href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29tL2ltYWdlcy9jaXR5JTIwZ2lybA=="></a>People in my boyfriends' family used to pick at me for being a city girl, well they still do, and living in the country. I have come to terms with being defined a CITY GIRL. I have no problem with it now. I thought maybe the country style living could be for me, but I've realized it is not.<br /><a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29tL2ltYWdlcy9jaXR5JTIwZ2lybA==" target="_blank" mce_href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29tL2ltYWdlcy9jaXR5JTIwZ2lybA=="></a>So that's the update for now. I've just begun looking, so I'm not sure when this next move will take place, but this was a great move I made getting away from everything and everyone for awhile. It allowed me to really focus on what I wanted for ME.<br /><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/what%20i%20want" target="_blank"><img src="http://i532.photobucket.com/albums/ee326/glendabobenda/no11.jpg" border="0" alt="i do what i want foo Pictures, Images and Photos" /></a></div><a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29tL2ltYWdlcy93aGF0JTIwaSUyMHdhbnQ=" target="_blank" mce_href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29tL2ltYWdlcy93aGF0JTIwaSUyMHdhbnQ="></a>BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-51168034432509590212009-08-04T06:14:00.000-07:002009-08-04T06:52:50.054-07:00Letter to my PastI recently got an email from an ex. Someone I had put out of my life; someone I no longer kept in touch with, for good reasons. Far too many reasons to list here right now. If you've been reading my blogs, he is known as the toxic one. It was a simple one line saying "Why are you trying to add me on facebook again?" To me, this is out of character for him. That's why I'm so curious about it.<br /><br />The only time I tried adding him was back when we were dating/hanging out over a year ago, and, he hardly got on then, so I'm not shocked if he's just logging on there now and seeing my friend request. Good ole facebook bringing people back together, right? ha! If he didn't want to 'accept' me on there, just ignore it, why email me about it? Instinct told me he either wanted to write me and that was a lame excuse to get in touch with me again, or that he wanted to stir some more things up with me, like he has done so so many times in the past. Of course, instinctively again, I responded saying: I haven't tried to. That's it.<br /><br />I thought about writing a hypothetical letter to him, not sending it of course, but just for my own venting, what I might and would say to him. And who knows, if I had the guts, to actually send it to him. This email just is not his style, and so that really makes me wonder. . . .<br /><br />He hasn't written me in response to MY response and this occurred about a week ago, but then again, he doesn't check his email every day that I know of, so who knows if he's even gotten to it yet, you know?<br /><br />I'm going to write a hypothetical letter to him on here, the toxic one, and this may be for my own doing, but I welcome comments & feedback, however you want to put them.<br />_______________________________________________________<br /><br />Dear Eric -<br /><br />I was hesitant on writing you again, but your email threw me off. It seemed out of character for you to let alone write me, but to write me about that particular topic as well. Knowing you from before, you would have just ignored it, and gone on with your life, but you chose to stop and contact me about it. Why?<br /><br />Last time I heard anything from you, it wasn't exactly positive, and you made the point you had it out for me, like I should be scared of you or something. Like I had ruined your life, and you were threatening everything I had worked hard to accomplish up until that point. You seem to over dramatize a lot of things like that, when you brought them on yourself.<br /><br />You have constantly talked down to me, in all the times I've known you, minus the first few months we dated. You built me up to believe you were someone so incredible, and although I consistently see the good hearted man I fell for years ago, I also see a monster. A wolf in sheep's clothing, as you would describe it. Someone who does not realize how many wonderful people he could have in his life, if he didn't turn them away in the ways he did. And if he didn't dramatize everything to be the end of the world, and the worst thing ever, when they are just normal fights, normal drama that happens in life. It's life. Get over It. Move On.<br /><br />Everyone in my life - family, friends, new and old significant others, know of my situation(s) with you. Coming in and out of my life, being my first love, someone I cared for so very much. They all can't make sense of why I kept going back to you, kept sinking down to your level. I look back and I don't know why I did that to myself either. I can't explain my actions or behaviors over the past 4 years. Maybe that's why when I told my parents about you, and 3 months later, I told them completely different circumstances, they are hesitant to believe me about the best relationship ever, the one that came right after you and I stopped hanging out.<br /><br />You have damaged me far more than you could ever believe. Only a few people will believe me when I say that. A few people I share this with, and you know who they are. Every woman you have ever been involved with, no matter how serious it ever was between you and them, between us. It's all the same. As much as I wonder how you are, because of the problems I know you've had, I care far too much for a person like you, that has hurt me and abused me the way you have over the number of years you have. I am lucky to have gotten away, but I just feel sorry for those still around you, who have yet to experience all the hatred and heartache that you bring onto them. It's a circle. You repeat the same situation in every relationship you get yourself involved in. you've even told me that. I'm not putting words in your mouth either. I know women who have really touched your life and shaped you, but you don't change for them. You don't change for anyone, under any circumstance. And you're almost 30.<br /><br />I do wish one day you meet a woman that knocks you off your feet, that throws you for a loop, that makes you smile, laugh, unlike any other woman has. A best friend in your eyes. Someone you can't talk down to, someone you can't deceive, someone you can't lie to, someone you couldn't stand being away from. And I hope you find that someday. I'm sorry that I'm not that for you, but I could've been, if you had allowed me to, years ago. I tried, and I moved on to someone and something better for me.<br /><br />The guy I'm with now, Mike, is paying for all of your mistakes. Far more than he should. I've gotten better about putting faith and trust in him, and not being so analytical or paranoid, but it's hard when it's something you grew accustomed to doing with someone like you, over such a long period of time. It spilled over into so many of my other relationships. It was like poison. You are like poison.<br /><br />It makes no sense to me, that you are still in my life, and I still worry about you, but maybe it's because you reached out to me in a sense, telling me you knew what was wrong wtih you, past and present, and wanted it to stop, but it never did. And it continued, driving me away, yet again. I think that's why I still wonder how you are. I just hope you're doing okay, and hope you get help for all the issues you have with yourself, women, and relationships.BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-70426640155970587792009-07-30T05:48:00.000-07:002009-07-30T05:57:53.571-07:00RevelationsHave you ever had a moment when a good friend tells you how badly you hurt her a few years ago, regarding her now husband and her's relationship back when they were dating in the beginning with words you said, and you have no recollection of ever saying those words?<br /><br />Have you ever had a moment when your current boyfriend does some type of mannerism or looks a certain way and it reminds you of somebody, but you can't figure out who, only to realize when you finally come around to remembering who he reminds you of, it's an ex-boyfriend, who you once thought you could marry, the 2nd love of your life to this day?<br /><br />These moments have happened to me, 1 yesterday, and the other in the past year, which has definitely brought on mixed feelings all over. Sometimes I have no idea what these mean, and how badly I feel about the person I used to be vs. the person I have become over time.<br />I apologized to my friend who I hurt and, I remember feeling hurt and angry over these past 2-3 years, but I always just thought it was her that did the hurting; I never remembered my side, hurting her, in the way I did, with the words I used. I just always felt like she didn't care enough, or I wasn't good enough to keep around in her life. What causes memory losses like these? It honestly truly scares me. How could I forget such hateful things I did? And, how could I forget and put out of my memory someone I loved and cared for so much, so much as to possibly marry someday? I want to look into it. Is it because something traumatic happened over those period of years, or how badly I treated myself during that time? Does anyone know?BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-55552464457719426692009-07-22T10:37:00.000-07:002009-07-23T09:21:14.848-07:00The BeginningI have been keeping a blog for myself & my peace of mind for awhile now.<br /><br />Just recently I have decided to share it with the world, and open it up for everyone to see.<br /><br />I am going to post all of the blogs I've written, dated back to when I first began writing. I used to have (& continue to, for the time being) a blog attached to my myspace page (<a href="http://www.myspace.com/lilquietone44">www.myspace.com/lilquietone44</a>) & from my other personal blog on here and you can check them out there for now. I may eventually transition everything here, but for now I'll keep them both here & there. They date back for years, so if you feel like catching up on my dramatic life, go right on! :)<br /><br />Enjoy.<br /><br />Feel free to leave/send me feedback/comments!BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-77195637722535216802009-07-19T12:12:00.000-07:002009-07-22T16:22:28.226-07:00All About Me - A New ChallengeI noticed friends of mine on here who had posted these kinds of blogs, so why not follow in their footsteps? Might be lengthy, but worth it in the end.<br /><br />Ten Things I Would Say To Ten Different People<br /><br />1. You have changed me, my life, and healed my heart. No one has ever come close to being able to do all three in miraculous ways. Thank you. I hope I never lose you.<br /><br />2. I once thought I could love you. I once thought you were meant to be my best friend. Now I know after everything that has been done, been said, that you were only out for yourself in this friendship/relationship we had. When things don't worked out the way you wanted them, you became someone else, and I can't have that in my life.<br /><br />3. I loved you once, long ago. I'm not sure if it was real love, or just the wanting it to be real love. We've come in each other's lives on and off again, and I had to let that pattern and history go. I'm actually happy now, and I can't let you or anyone else ruin that. Regardless of what happens in the future, you won't be in my life again because you are toxic, and you'd kill me in more ways than anyone could imagine.<br /><br />4. I wish I had the financial stability like you to pick up where I'm at, and just travel to an area where I could pursue my dream of working in the entertainment industry (music, film, tv, etc.) without any worries.<br /><br />5. I wish I felt comfortable with my family as you do, sharing every bit of information with them about my life, instead of feeling like I have to hide a bit of myself from them every time I talk to them or see them.<br /><br />6. I wish I didn't act like such an old lady, as you said I do. I never meant to grow up so fast once I got out of college, butI had a need to do so. I felt overwhelmed living with my parents again, and live the life I used to, but things were completely different out of college, and it's lead to the anxiety I feel all the time now. Thanks good ole independence.<br /><br />7. You have not been here for long. Things were much better before you came around. I know how to do my job, and know how to do it well, for almost two years now, and when someone tells me I've done something wrong, or not right, it fires me up because I know I'm the one that did it right, yet you did it wrong. I know how to do my job better than you think and better than you put across to me. I know better and I know more than you will ever know.<br /><br />8. Supporting your children is so very important, especially when they're in changing periods of their life. When you argue with them about how they're living their lives, it pushes them further away, and that's what's happened between you and I. I reach out, and end up paying for it in the end. You seek me to tell you more about myself, yet when I do, there's always consequences it feels like.<br /><br />9. You want me to be around more, and want our relationship to be stronger, yet you don't see what I see, and don't feel what I feel. You talk down to me, like I'm a child, when we're supposed to have a bond unlike any other. We're supposed to be best friends, and supposed to have secrets for just one another vs. anyone else. Like in the movies :) I still yearn for that, but I don't know if we can get there from where we are now.<br /><br />10. You damaged me growing up. You hurt me far more than any man has. . . all the violence & abuse. I can't forget all of that, but I do see where you have improved among all levels. I'm glad you are still here, yet I don't feel I can forgive everything. It's hard to touch you, to look you in the eyes, because things were very diff. for you & i's relationship vs yours with anyone else. It hurt more than anyone else's and had far more in it than anyone else's. I don't know how to go anywhere further from that.<br /><br />Nine Things About Me<br /><br />1. I've always been passionate about writing, and found it again just of recently being able to blog more on here and whatnot. I pulled out all my old story ideas & stories and plotsI had put together years ago, with all the character backgrounds, places to use in my stories, etc. I realized I wanted to be a write back in 5th grade, and yet only went back to it over time here and there over the years. Now I'm picking it back up again and I feel if I work hard, I can do something with it now.<br /><br />2. I put on a smile far too much just to suit people these days. My job takes up most of my time it seems, and I hate being there. I'm sick of being there every weekday. Everything seems to frustrate me and there's nothing I can do about it until I find a new one, whichI have no hope for it seems like now a days.<br /><br />3. Some days I question the decisions I've made & the choices I've had to make over the past year or so. There have been more challenges/struggles but just as many enjoyable moments with the new person in my life. Sometimes I wonder whether because I'm wrapped up in this relationship if I'm avoiding certain things or ignoring something important. I worry that if this ever ends, if I'll lose out on things I should've been paying more attention to while in this relationship. Yet I've tried hard to hold onto everything importnat while still beingin this relationship too.<br /><br />4. I miss my friends. I haven't been able to spend as much time with them because we all work full time, have differnet schedules and live in different parts of the city. I made a big move moving around an hour away from them, but living closer really wouldnt' make a diff, at least I don't think so.<br /><br />5. I consider moving away, yet I know I can't leave my job right now. If I could move anywhere right now, it'd be closer to my job, but the only advantage would be savingon gas, and to me, that's not worth giving up this lifestyle yet. Not at this time at least.<br /><br />6. I love music & hope to work with it as a career someday. Maybe film, maybe television, but music is one of my ultimate passions.<br /><br />7. I wish my parents knew how much I cherish them. And although we have had arguments and disagreements over the past year or so, know that I love them more than anything. I've never meant to disappoint them or discourage them in any way or think I didn't appreciate them, but they're always at the top of my list. I hate when I don't talk to them every day, or we only talk online but sometimes that's the only way I can get true feelings across.<br /><br />8. I hate that I'm not comfortable in my own skin sometimes. I hate that I break out like I do, and hate how I stress and worry as much as I do. I wish I could easily get rid of it overnight, it woudl make me a much happier human being.<br /><br />9. I wish I knew what the future would bring and when I'd be free of this unhappiness that's always following me around, and if I could knwo what I'm doing now, if this is how the rest of my life will be like, or if it will change for the better.<br /><br />Eight Ways To Win My Heart<br /><br />1. Make me laugh - I cannot survive with someone with 0 sense of humor. I'm sarcastic and goofy sometimes, and whoever I'm with or whoever I'm around has to be able to put up with that and be just like me in that regard.<br /><br />2. Support me in whatever I do. Be able to say you will follow me anywhere and be there for me wherever the road takes me, regardless of whether it takes me away from you for a short/long period of time.<br /><br />3. Listen to me. There are times when life gets me down and I need to talk things out. I need feedback and a truly good ear.I dont' want just an "OK" response. I want someone to be able to have deep conversation with me.<br /><br />4. Flower me with sweet things, compliments, sincere things, and mean them. Don't just copy what you've seen in a movie, tv show, or read in a book. There are common phrases said like "I love you" and "You're beautiful" but truly mean them. Your eyes can really give away whether you mean something you say or not, and so can your actions. Have everything balance out. Put your heart into everything you do.<br /><br />5. Get to know me, in and out. My past, present, and future asspirations, dreams, etc. Don't just get to know what my name, age and occupation are for the night, but know who I've been, who I am, and who I want to be.<br /><br />6. Be happy with who I am, and who I'm striving to be. Don't try to change me into the person you want to be with forever, or want to be dating for the present. Love me for me.<br /><br />7. There are times I'm going to be low. Don't get mad that I'm low. It's not always because of you :) Sometimes we're going to have fights. Don't just give up and walk away. Fight with me and for this relationship we have. Walking away is not going to fix anything.<br /><br />8. Be open to different backgrounds, lifestyles, and compromising. We may come from two different places, and if they're not exactly the same, be open to compromises, and adjusting. Not everyone lives their life exactly the same, so growing together is always a big challenge.<br /><br />Seven Things I Often Wonder About<br /><br />1. Is he The One?<br /><br />2. Where will I be in 10 years?<br /><br />3. Do I ever cross their minds?<br /><br />4. Am I going down the right path for me in my life?<br /><br />5. Am I the one that's changed for the better, or have I changed for the worse (and not seen it yet)?<br /><br />6. Can I move to a new city and achieve my dreams?<br /><br />7. Will the past ever stop crossing my mind?<br /><br />Six Things I Do Before Bed<br /><br />1. Shower, Dry Hair, Pee<br /><br />2. Check email, myspace, facebook<br /><br />3. Read/Sudoku<br /><br />4. Talk with Mike<br /><br />5. Go over what tomorrow will bring/get all my stuff together for work in the morning, fix lunch<br /><br />6. Set Alarm for morning (phone)<br /><br />Five People Who Mean A Lot To Me<br /><br />1. My Mom (my hero, my role model)<br /><br />2. My Dad (he's stood by and supported my family and changed for the better over the years)<br /><br />3. My Sister (she's a protector of mine, and can understand me more ways than I can say)<br /><br />4. My Brother (an old best friend found recently again, I thought the times had pulled us apart, but we can relate more so than I ever imagined)<br /><br />5. Mike (one of my best friends, and I love him) - the boyfriend<br /><br />Four Things I Am Wearing<br /><br />1. Jeans<br /><br />2. T-Shirt/Tank Top<br /><br />3. Socks<br /><br />4. Boots (new ones I got yesterday!)<br /><br />Three songs/artists I listen to a lot:<br /><br />1. Gavin DeGraw<br /><br />2. Hoobastank<br /><br />3. Lil Wayne<br /><br />Two I Want To Do Before I Die:<br /><br />1. Live in a different state for a good period of time, start somewhere new.<br /><br />2. Be successful in a job/career that truly makes me happy and does not make me so unhappy it overlaps into my personal life.<br /><br />One Confession:<br /><br />I think about my past a lot, maybe too much. I wonder how ex's and past loves are at this point in their lives. Regardless of how I hurt thinking back to things they've done to me, sometimes I wish we never got romantically involved but were friends for life, without any of the unnecessary drama. Then this leads me back to the part of me that gives people too many chances to make up to me what they should've done from the very beginning, so I guess I'm all kinds of messed up :) Some people say I'm too nice. and Although I've held offon contacting any of them, and know I won't ever get the guts to because of the outcomes it would bring, I still like checking up not just on ex's but people from my past to make sure they're doing alright. hoping I didn't bring too much damage on them by walking away from it all.BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-60574994118072232142009-07-08T12:11:00.000-07:002009-07-22T16:23:02.792-07:00Other WomenYesterday's blog consisted of me sharing a book with you that I have been reading: 20 Something 20 Everything: A Quarter-Life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction ~ by Christine Hassler.<br /><br />I talked about how one exercise (#1) consisted of dealing with your mother's influence on life, and trust me, I'm not going to make a blog pertaining to every exercise in the book, but this next one I need some outside help with. And it might help me see things differently and get a different perspective. I know there are lots of women out there, and I don't have THOUSANDS of readers, but I don't need THOUSANDS of responses to this. Just a few. Of course more would help but that's beside the point.<br /><br />Below are some questions. I don't know how old everyone is that reads me, but, maybe if you can spread the word, promote and get my blogs out there (friends only right now due to personal reasons, I hope you understand) maybe get more responses from your own friends for me? Thanks.<br />1. Overall, how would you describe your twenties?<br />2. What were your goals during your twenties?<br />3. What were your primary interests in you twenties?<br />4. What were the three most fun and exciting aspects of events of your twenties?<br />5. What were the three most challenging aspects or events of your twenties?<br />6. If you could go back to your twenties, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Do you have any regrets?<br />7. Do you have any other words of wisdom that you think could be of value to women in their twenties today?<br />I would appreciate all the responses I can get, if you feel like posting this on your blog or whatnot for me :) Thanks.BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-57719532937337758582009-07-07T12:10:00.000-07:002009-07-22T16:23:11.521-07:0020 Something 20 EverythingThis book has become a huge interest of mine, even before I bought it online, finally got it, and started reading it. I haven't gotten that far into it, but with as much as I've read thus far, it's describing what I'm going through perfectly. I'm 24, and it looks like I'm experiencing a quarter-life crisis. If no one believes me, check out this book, read back to all of my blogs and you'll agree with me.<br /><br />There are exercises with each chapter, relating to what the chapter talks about with how everything in your life affects how you are feeling. Some of the exercises are detailed but it helps you actually write down your thoughts & feelings towards an issue, think it out, and realize maybe why you are feeling the way you are, how these feelings came up, what started them, and what you can do about them. And why you are the way you are. For example, the first chapter has to do with your mother's influence (if you're a woman of course). And the exercises at the end have to do with how you saw your mother growing up, how you see her now, what you didnt like about her, how you see yourself vs. her, etc. It's helpful because as much as I thought about these things from time to time, writing them down put them into perspective for me. Kinda scary too if you ask me.BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902299091303933184.post-31005012974786586202009-07-06T12:09:00.000-07:002009-07-22T16:23:27.599-07:00The Funny Side Of MeAn anonymous reader of mine has mentioned that almost every single blog of mine is regarding something serious, whether it's from the past, present, or future, in my life.<br /><br />"I wanna see the funny Lee!" Well....not sure I can show it through a blog but here goes ........something..........<br /><br />Most of you that know me face to face know I'm a klutz, incredibly goofy, and slap-happy sometimes, but there is also a very serious side. I try not to make everything so serious, but lately I feel I'm more serious than anything, and I'm not so sure if that's a good thing. I have responsibilities and everything pertaining to keeping everything level, stable and not going into debt, and not getting bad credit, but I lose my way sometimes in all the madness it feels like.<br /><br />Sometimes I think I have been growing up too fast, I grew up too fast, and took on too much too soon for myself. Most of my friends moved home for awhile after college whereas I got a full time job 3 months after, and ended up moving out on my own a few months after I had saved up some money. Most were able to save up a lot more and think more clearly into what they wanted and where they wanted to be. Sometimes I think I moved too fast in wanting to be out there on my own, for the wrong reasons. I rushed a lot back then and now I can't necessarily take it back.<br /><br />I'm not this serious person all the time. I make the silliest, stupidest comments, sometimes without thinking first. It's just my infamous lee moments people have called them. Even my own mother has said "I can't believe you weren't born blonde!"(no offense to blondes out there) but, it's just a saying.<br /><br />I hit my head on all sorts of things, everyone has gotten used to it. It's just this unintentional thing I seem to do all the time. Don't even know why. I don't understand half the things my body does, like random falling when I had my balance a second ago. I don't even ask myself or even God these questions anymore haha.<br /><br />I know when to be serious but I can also be a big kid. I despise when people call me an old lady or say I act like I'm all grown up when I'm still young, at 24, and learning to find my own way. It is difficult when you have so many aspirations and yet money seems to control everything you do: where you eat, what you eat, how much you eat, where you go, how much gas you use, bills to pay, credit cards to pay off, other debt to pay off, every month. It sucks me in sometimes and I let it affect everything else. It's affected my moods, and that affects everything else because I get depressed thinking about how I want to change jobs to save money on gas, to be closer to where I live, yet with the economy the way it is, that doesn't really help.<br /><br />Overall, I want everyone to know that what comes through my blogs isn't all I think about day to day. There are certain serious topics that may cross my mind and I write it down thinking it would make a good blog and turns out, it usually does. And A lot of people have something to say about it. I love how people are reading me and can relate to me. it's the best feeling.BlackJackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16885941542472471771noreply@blogger.com0